#154 Bawdy Jokes & Patter Songs Review

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2022/04/154-bawdy-jokes-patter-songs-review.html

 

 #154 Blog Post – Tuesday, 26 April 2022

 

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

The Fascinating Review of

A One-of-a-Kind New Book  

 

 

This past December the book pictured above went on sale.

 

Until this year, all books looked more or less the same since Johann Gutenberg’s Bible was produced using the revolutionary printing press in 1455. For over 500 years, hardcover and paperback books had protective decorated covers with pages bound inside containing words and static illustrations.

 

Today eBooks can magically appear on the screen of your iPhone, iPad, laptop, desktop as Kindle or Nook books. You’ll get text and static illustrations just like we always did. The differences: no expensive paper, printing, binding and returns. No heavy, clunky physical book to lug around. Plus, instant gratification. Order an ebook from 5,000 miles away and you can start reading it in seconds.

 

What’s more, publishers are happy to send you a few sample chapters to help make up your mind. Just ask!

 

During the COVID-19 months when we were hunkered down in self-isolation and canceled trips, I got the idea for the book of patter songs to occupy my mind, cheer me up and maybe cheer others up. Patter songs are a genre that first fascinated me when I was in 5^th grade.

 

I started prowling around YouTube to see if I could find some patter songs and discovered hundreds of performances going back over a century.

 

It hit me that  maybe I could combine printed text with YouTube illustrations. Not static stills, but short moving pictures—videos of beloved performers over the past 100 years. The idea that I could tell the story of 87 patter songs and provide a link that would instantaneously bring on a 112 live performance intrigued me.

 

Would This Oddball Format Fly? I Had No Idea.

So, I wrote, designed and published the ebook packed with over 6-1/2 hours of YouTube entertainment—and priced it at $3.99. Obviously I didn’t do it for money. It was therapy. Was this radical concept viable?

 

Amazingly Rebecca Gregory and Diane Lowery, two reviewers for the Online Book Club, completely understood this highly unusual publishing concept—and liked it! My sincere appreciation goes to both of them for their kind treatment of this oh-so-senior citizen.

 

Bawdy Jokes & Patter Songs:

A Review by Rebecca Gregory

Online Book Club

20 Apr 2022, 04:41

[Following is a volunteer review of  

"Bawdy Jokes & Patter Songs" by Denny Hatch.]

NOTE: The reviewer mentioned four performances
in her review. I took the liberty of inserting links so
readers can click on the blue in type and the videos
will appear. —DH

 

 

4 out of 4 Stars

In 2019, the world as we knew it changed forever. That is when the COVID-19 virus began its killing spree. Face masks, lockdowns, isolation and severe depression became the norm. Bawdy Jokes and Patter Songs by Denny Hatch was written with the hope of providing some solace for this time of suffering. The book begins with three jokes told by Buddy Hackett when he was a guest on the Tonight Show. A YouTube link is also provided for the purpose of watching on your phone or computer. Hatch incorporates several YouTube links throughout the book and in his introduction Hatch even writes, “This is your introduction to over one hundred YouTube video delights!”

 

Before he continues with more jokes, Hatch gives some background information about bawdy jokes and how he came across many of them. He next explains what patter songs are and the history behind their origins. He also mentions his experience when he played a role in a musical during grade school, which fanned his interest in these unusual songs. The first musical performance he attended contains a patter song that was performed by Alistair Cook and Martyn Green. He relives this experience and provides a link so that the reader might experience some of the same joy. There are over 131 patter songs in this book. Each of them has a YouTube link, which make them all the more enjoyable. Hatch also provides lyrics for them unless they still have copyright protection.

 

Bawdy Jokes and Patter Songs is a very amusing and entertaining book. I laughed out loud over many of the jokes and even shared some with my friends and family. Furthermore, it is full of information. This shows how much research Hatch did, especially concerning the patter songs. Some of the information included is background material for the authors, actors and songs. Because of how fast they are sung, many patter songs are difficult to understand. Therefore, being able to read the lyrics adds to the amusement that they provide. The YouTube links also let the reader experience the songs using site and sound, which enhances the songs even more.

 

Not only have I saved jokes to use later, I saved links to many of the patter songs. A few of my favorites are The New Math and Smut, both by Tom Lehrer, He’s His Own Grandpa by Phil Harris and Mr. Bojangles sung by Sammy Davis Jr. Another song I thoroughly enjoy is The Babbitt and the Bromide by George and Ira Gershwin. It is a song and dance routine performed by Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly. Danny Kaye sang several songs as well. If I mention all of the songs I really enjoy, I will need to write a book of my own.

 

I have no negative comments about this book – I enjoyed every page. I only found five grammatical errors and the author used some profanity but that is expected for this type of book.

 

I give Bawdy Jokes and Patter Songs by Denny Hatch a rating of 4 out of 4 Stars. It is very captivating and a complete pleasure to read.

 

I recommend this book to any adult that enjoys jokes and is not offended by minor sexual content and profanity. I also recommend it to those who enjoy musical performances and those with fond memories of actors, dancers and singers of the recent past.

Takeaways to Consider

• Available at Amazon

  Kindle — ($3.99)

  Paperback 8-1/2”  x 11” ($12.99)

 

• Available at Barnes & Noble

   Nook Book — ($3.99)

   Paperback 8-1/2”  x 11” ($12.99)

 

###

 

Word Count: 1025

 

#153 Becky Bugger E-letter

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2022/04/153-becky-bugger-e-letter.html

 

#153 Blog Post  - Wednesday, 13 April 2022

 

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

The Becky Bugger E-letter to Me

From Her E-Marketing Agency

 

As readers know, I spent 60 years in Direct Mail Marketing—as an agency copywriter, designer and book club director. Later in my checkered career I became a freelancer, morphed into a self-publisher (WHO’S MAILING WHAT! Newsletter & Archive Service) and editor, publisher of Target Marketing magazine.

 

Those of us that practiced the science and art of direct mail have the complex rules of engagement hard-wired into our DNA—the daunting arithmetic that all comes down to CPO (cost-per-order), CPM (cost-per-thousand of lists) and PPPI (cost of paper, printing, postage and inserting).

 

And ultimately knowing how to test small, making confirming tests and—if the numbers are right—rolling out to reap obscene profits.

 

The ultimate beauty of direct mail is the glorious secrecy. You could drop a wee 5,000-piece test mailing and nobody could pick up on what you are doing until you blitzed the country causing your competitors to eat your dust.

 

Enter the Internet in the mid-1980s. It grew exponentially and became the Wild West of the advertising business. Read about  Yekutiel Sherman who invented the Selfie-stick. It was stolen out from under him by Chinese pirates who sold his Selfie-sticks all over the world while he was still putting together his financial plan.

 

By the time the 1990s arrived,  a gazillion hotshot kids — with zero experience in marketing and design — took over and set the protocols. These kids said to us geezers:

 

“This is the new medium and the new paradigm. Your old rules are deader than Kelsey’s nuts. We make the rules now. So, take a hike, buster.”

 

Becky Bugger to DH

 

Your Google Suspension – It’s Time to Get Help

·         Becky Bugger <rebecca@stubgroup.com>
To: dennyhatch@yahoo.com
Mon, Dec 6 at 9:20 AM
Hi,  

Have you resolved the issues with your suspended Google account? We’d love to offer our ads management service as an option to help you get a higher ROAS. Check out this case study and see what we’ve done for other clients to help them increase their leads substantially. 

Still trying to get unsuspended? There’s a really good chance that we can still help you. Here’s why:
    • You are working with Google Support to resolve the issue.
    • We word with a dedicated team INSIDE Google to get you unsuspended.
    • We're experts. This is what we do and we're really good at it.
Contact us today and let us help you dominate your online market. 

Becky Bugger
Director, Business Development & Sales
StubGroup

DH to Becky Bugger

 

Denny Hatch <dennyhatch@yahoo.com>
To: Becky Bugger
Thu, Dec 9, 2021 at 7:44 AM
Dear Rebecca Bugger,

Thank you for your alerting me about my Google Suspension. 

 

This is very upsetting.

 

I have been using Google for many years and never had a problem.

 

Could you kindly explain what my suspended Google account means and how you can help me make things right?

 

Denny Hatch

200 West Washington Square, #3007

Philadelphia, PA 19106

215-644-9526

dennyhatch@yahoo.com

 

Ms. Bugger never replied.

 

Takeaways to Consider

• "According to a 2008 study by researchers at the University of California, Berkeley and UC, San Diego, spammers get a response just once for every 12.5 million emails they send — a response rate of 0.000008%. Despite that, though, spammers are still able to turn a profit." —sitepoint.com

 

• The Becky Bugger letter was spam.  Horse hockey. BS. A colossal waste of time. Google did not cancel my account.

 

• Her threat of a canceled account was a pathetic attention-getter.

 

• I love Google. Google owns YouTube—the world’s greatest collection of living entertainment, history and information ever assembled on Planet Earth! All of it FREE!

 

• God, how I love YouTube! It's amazing!

 

• Thanks to Google, I’m on YouTube all the time. During the dismal months of lockdown and isolation, I have spent hours on YouTube traveling the world. My favorite: the magnificent BBC Great Railway Journeys starring the debonair, articulate, charming Michael Portillo. You'll love it, too!

 

Word Count: 768

#152 Make writing exciting

  http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2022/04/152-make-writing-exciting.html

#152 Blog Post - Wednesday, 6 April 2022

Posted By Denny Hatch

Fifty-one Proven Tips Guaranteed to
Make Your Writing Exciting and Inviting

According to the Literacy Project foundation, 50% of American adults cannot read a book written at an eighth-grade level.

 

The other 50% of the population—your customers, prospects, investors, and employees—they can read. But many of them have simply lousy attention spans and can quickly lose interest in what they are reading.

 

The Bugaboo: Modern Technology Has
Destroyed Our Ability to Concentrate

The challenge is helping readers to get through long copy without losing interest: books, letters, proposals, memos, special reports, press releases, articles, résumés, blogs and websites. 

“ ‘'The technology is rewiring our brains,' said Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute of Drug Abuse and one of the world’s leading brain scientists. She and other researchers compare the lure of digital stimulation less to that of drugs and alcohol than to food and sex, which are essential but counterproductive in excess… Scientists say juggling e-mail, phone calls and other incoming information can change how people think and behave.

 

"They say our ability to focus is being undermined by bursts of information. These play to a primitive impulse to respond to immediate opportunities and threats. The stimulation provokes excitement—a dopamine squirt—researchers say, that can be addictive. In its absence, people feel bored. The resulting distractions can have deadly consequences, as when cell phone-wielding drivers and train engineers cause wrecks.” 

—Matt Richtel, The New York Times

 

“The addictive nature of Web browsing can leave you with an attention span of nine seconds—the same as a goldfish.”
—Dr. Ted Selker, MIT Media Lab.

 

Two Obvious Ways That Guarantee
Your Written Words Will Get Read

 

 1.   Write Text Messages: 160-Character Limits.
80% of Americans text each other (Pew). They send 23 billion texts a day (Forbes).

 

2.   Write Tweets: 280-Character Limit.
217 million users send 350,000 tweets per minute, 500 million tweets every day. (David Sayce)

 

3.   Avoid gray walls of type. —David Ogilvy

A sucker paid +/- $3200 for this press release. 
Would I spend time on this gray wall of type? No.

 

Newspapers and magazines are dying because of gray walls of type—on the front page and throughout the inside. They are boring as dirt and hard to read. Print publishers blame the Internet for stealing advertising and putting them out of business.  The real problem is that gray walls of type make long copy unreadable. This is true in print and in digital media.

 

Ed Elliott’s Visuals and Interruptions to
Turn a Skimmer into an Interested Reader

 

4.   Table of contents.

 

5.   Headlines and subheads.

 

6.   Photography, especially of people and action.

 

7.   Tables, charts, graphs.

 

8.   Illustrations clarifying or reinforcing the text.

 

9.   Captions under every visual. People read captions as they skim

 

10.  A word or subhead which is bigger, bolder, blacker,  or has a different color than other elements on the page.

                 

11.  Enlarged numbers, possibly followed by an enlarged or bold lead.

 

12.  A word or line set off at an angle or in a box or a burst.

                 

13.  Text inside an arrow or a ruled box.

                 

14.  Anything that interrupts a page-by-page pattern of columns.

                 

15.  Text with a light screen behind it.

                 

16.  Pull quotes.

 

17.  A paragraph set off in bold or with a double indent.

                 

18.  Handwritten indications.

        

19.  Bulleted text, especially with bullets that are larger or different from other bulleted text.

 

20.  Text Size: Ten or eleven points is optimum for readability; maybe one point larger for older readers.

 

21. Column Width: 35 to 55 characters is a good target range. Ten or eleven point is generally most readable on a column width of about a third of a page. Larger than eleven-point should probably be about a half page wide. Columns wider than a half page are not quickly read.

 

22. Alignment: Rag right is often better than justified. It creates a text shape, which allows an area for the eye to rest. It can also appear more inviting, less imposing, more personal.

 

23.  Avoid: Text without sufficient contrast to its background.

 

24.  Avoid: background screen that is too dark.

 

25.  Avoid: Paper color that is too dark. 

 

26.  Avoid: Text that is too light, printed in something other than black.

 

27.  Avoid Text printed over—or reversed out of—a busy or distracting background.

 

28.  Avoid: Text reversed out of a dark color.

 

29.  Avoid: Flush right or centered paragraphs.

  

30.  Avoid: Text that is too condensed.

 

31.  Avoid: Character spacing that is too tight.

 

32.  In print: always use a serif type for readability—Times, Garamond, etc. Never use sans serif type in printed text. Why Johnny Can't Read —Vrest Orton https://heraldpress.ca/pdfs/resources/why-johnny-cant-read.pdf

 

33.  Online: sans serif type is best. In Search of: The Best Online Reading Experience —Sarah Dickinson Quinn
https://www.poynter.org/archive/2005/in-search-of-the-best-online-reading-experience/

 

34.  With long copy: it is imperative to keep the reader’s eye moving.

 

David Ogilvy on Readability

 35.  After two or three inches of copy, insert your first boldface crosshead (mini-headline), and thereafter pepper mini-headlines throughout.

 

 36.  An ingenious sequence of boldly displayed mini-headlines can deliver the substance of your entire message to glancers who are too lazy to wade through the text.

 

37.  Keep your opening paragraph down to a maximum of eleven words. A long first paragraph frightens readers away. All your paragraphs should be as short as possible; long paragraphs are fatiguing.  

 

38. "The first 10 words are more important than the next ten thousand. —Elmer Sizzle Wheeler

 

39.  Type smaller than 9-point is difficult for most people to read.

 

40.  “Widows” increase readership, except at the bottom of a column, where they make it too easy for the reader to quit. (A widow occurs when a line of copy is too long by a single word, with the result that the word shows up in the next line—and is the only word in that line.)”

 

 41.  Break up the monotony of long copy by setting key paragraphs in boldface or italic.

 

 42.  Insert illustrations from time to time.

 

 43.  Help the reader into your paragraphs with arrowheads, bullets, asterisks and marginal marks.

 

44.  If you have a lot of unrelated facts to recite, don’t try to relate them with cumbersome connectives; simply number them, (as I am doing here.)”  

 

 44. Never set your copy in reverse (white type on a black background) and never set it over a gray or colored tint. The old school of art directors believed that these devices forced people to read the copy; we now know that they make reading physically impossible.

 

46. If you use leading between paragraphs, you increase readership by an average of 12 percent.”

 

 47. Short words! Short sentences! Short paragraphs! —Andrew J. Byrne, copywriter

 

48.  With printed letters, always use the writer's real signature—preferably in blue—and NOT a phony baloney computer handwriting font signature. The signature is your handshake at the end.

 

49. With letters always have a P.S. It is the fourth most-read element in a letter. Spend as much time on the P.S. as you do on a headline. 

 

How the World’s Longest Full-page Newspaper
Advertisement Brought in Huge Reader Response

                                                         

This full-page ad ran in The New York Times, October 1948. The writer was Louis Engel, former editor of Business Week who became a VP of marketing and a partner at Merrill Lynch.

 

• The ad ran 6,550 (Six thousand, five hundred and fifty) words—the most words ever crammed into a newspaper page. The record still stands.

 

• Entirely text. Words only. It has no photographs or drawings... nor any charts, graphs or tables.

 

• When Engel finished writing the ad and it was laid out, there was space left over. He decided to fill that extra space with an offer at the very end of the ad. The reader was forced to read the entire ad—more than 6,000 words—before learning about the free book.

 

• The ad ran several times. Readers had to plow through this entire monster before coming across the offer—an afterthought at the very tail end of the ad in a bottom right box. 

 

• Box at the very bottom setting off the offer with the mini-headline: "What's This? . . . What's That?" 
“These terms are defined in a booklet, ‘How to Invest’, which we have just published. A basic guidebook for all security owners, this new publication develops in greater detail the story of how this stock and bond business works. It reviews the basic principles of sound investing, such as the analysis of market trends, the diversification of holdings, and the management of a portfolio. We will be glad to send you a copy."

 

“Always make it easy to order." —Elsworth Howell, CEO Grolier Enterprises

 

Louis Engel’s copy broke Howell’s Rule. The free book was a bitch to order: Here was the drill.

 

Either...

 —You find a piece of paper and pencil to write your request. Include your name and address. Find an envelope to put it in, address the envelope, lick the stamp and go mail it...

Or 

—You spend money on a long-distance phone call to Merrill Lynch in Boston. (This was many years before 800 numbers or the Internet)...

Or

—You physically betake yourself to a Merrill Lynch office to request the booklet.

 

What Happened Was Astounding!

5,033 readers contacted Merrill Lynch by mail, phone or a visit and requested more than 20,000 copies of the booklet. —Julian Lewis Watkins, The 100 Greatest Advertisements

 

The Secret of This Unbelievable Success:
Compellingly Written Plus Brilliant Design

Quite simply, the ad was broken up into dozens of bite-sized paragraphs—the equivalent of today’s tweets and texts.  Among the elements:

• Upper deck (super headline in Italics): “What everybody ought to know. . .”

•Main headline (big, boldface type): “About This Stock and Bond Business  

               

• Subhead (In Italics): “Some plain talk about a simple business that often sounds complicated”  

 

•Big bold subhead in mid-ad: How to Buy and Sell Securities

 

• 16 Boldface Crossheds (mini-headlines.) 

 

Note: For readable text of this 6,550-word ad:

https://swiped.co/file/about-this-stock-bond-louis-engel/

  

Critical for Maximum Readability:
Number of Words in Each Sentence

I dug through my correspondence and found the following e-mail from Scott Huch in response to a column of mine on how to write:

 

“As an aspiring, young direct mail copywriter in the early 1990s, I clipped an item from my local newspaper. It has been taped to my desk—right next to my computer—ever since. It is now tattered and yellow. But I keep it there as a reminder anytime I’m writing.”

  

50.  Text of Scott Huch's clipping (above):

Tests have shown that a sentence of eight words is very easy to read; of 11 words, easy; of 14 words, fairly easy; of 17 words, standard; of 21 words, fairly difficult; of 25 words, difficult; of 29 or more words, very difficult; so, this sentence with 54 words, counting numbers, is ranked impossible.

 

51.  With every long sentence you’ve written, count the words. Any sentence longer than 29 words should be split in two—or three. 

 

###

 

Word Count: 1838