#71 Selling Yourself? This Business Card Could Be a Game Changer!

ISSUE #71 — Tuesday, September 22, 2019

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2019/09/selling-yourself-this-business-card.html

 

Posted by Denny Hatch

Selling Yourself? This Business Card
Could Be a Game Changer for You!

Let’s face it, we’re all on the make—perpetually on the hunt for new friends, business connections, adventures, money, love.

     So we network—at parties, conventions, the club, airline lounges, a bar, business lunch, river cruise.

     How do we remember each other afterwards?

     We exchange little 2” x 3-1/2” pieces of cardboard containing logo, name, title, company, street address, cellphone number, website and email address.

     We accept this little bit of cardboard, glance at it and immediately stick it away while still conversing.

     It’s called a business card—that private little gem over which we agonized to make it “just right” and memorable.

     What happens to that brilliant business card—plus the 14 others that turn up in various jacket pockets, in your wallet or the bottom of your purse?

     You retrieve them and try like hell to remember which person gave you which card.

     Maybe you’ll enter the info into your digital database. Maybe not.

     Whatever you do, you’ll eventually trash the cards.

     And in a week, the teeny entry into your filing system—with an occasional exception—will be meaningless. “Who the hell is this?”

Can a 2” x 3-1/2 Piece of Cardboard Describe the

Real You and Make You Stand Out from the Crowd? 

   

Dunno how Will Ezell found me. He’s a subscriber to this cranky blog and we have been in touch over the years. Much of his inspiration comes from marketing whiz Terri Langhans.

     Recently he and Phoebe flew up from Tampa for a wedding here in Philly and we got together for dinner. Will is larger than life—in size and personality well as being an endless fountain of ideas.

     At some point during the visit, Will gave Peggy a business card and the next morning she turned it over to me.

     Not one business card, but 10 or 12 little cards bound with an aluminum screw in the upper corner. Each card has:

     • A green side with a white headline.

     • The reverse is white with green mini-heds and black copy.

     • It’s a struggle to fan them out and read them.

     • Unscrew the aluminum binder and they’re easy to read.

     • But the sequence is lost.

     • Yet the whole exercise is a giggle.

    Here's a Sampling of Will's Cards:

They care about themselves,
and how much free time and money they have. 

You have to do something very dynamic (and legal) to capture their attention. 

     So ... how do you do that?

     From Ordinary to Extraordinary!
Will Ezell [Phone 3] Bizvisioneers.com

 

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = 

Hogwash! It's in New Jersey.
And it takes a lot more than what
everyone already expects. 

Imagine "Customer Excellence" and Consistently 
delivering it.  We'll show you how to achieve dynamic results that exude excellence. There are a lot of ways to set your business apart. Most people just don't take the time to analyze it. 

    From Ordinary to Extraordinary! 
Will Ezell 813 930-8442 Bizvisioneers.com

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = 

Yes I know. I didn't write that. I learned it -
along with many other valuable lessons. They're all available to you.

Let's work together to achieve your goals and have your biz running at optimum performance thru a crystal-clear plan and path.

Now we're getting somewhere!

    From Ordinary to Extraordinary! 
Will Ezell 813 930-8442 Bizvisioneers.com

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Are you in that 'comfort zone'?

Putting out fires everyday?

That's what is called reacting. Really successful owners and managers are in the "Extraordinary Zone" and remain 80% proactive.

        How do they do that?

    From Ordinary to Extraordinary! 
Will Ezell 813 930-8442 Bizvisioneers.com

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = 

Survey says:
If you want to know the real answers get out of the lab, leave your lab coat at the office, and start blending in.

Gain our Fresh Eyes® perspectives, and get the unbiased truth. We know it may hurt a little, but wouldn't you really rather know now - before you spend all that $$?

    From Ordinary to Extraordinary! 
Will Ezell 813 930-8442 Bizvisioneers.com

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

What Happens…

According to Will, when he hands this card to a stranger, it is not instantly ignored and stuffed into pocket or purse.

     Rather it is puzzled over for a moment, then
s-l-o-w-l-y pocketed.
     The person wants to start reading right away.

     Recipients have never seen anything quite like this. Later it is retrieved and studied. As a result, Will gets calls and lands clients.

What Sets the Ezell Business Card Apart?

All business cards are mini-résumés containing basic contact information.

     I have written columns on résumés and mostly all of them are boring as dirt.

     They are all about the person—school, college, degrees, employers, titles, responsibilities, hobbies, memberships, articles and books written with a tip-o’-the hat to spouse and children.

     I believe the worst career imaginable is in H.R.—sifting through dozens or hundreds—of tedious résumés a day.

“The prospect doesn’t give a damn about you, your company or your product. All that matters is, ‘What’s in it for me’?”

—Bob Hacker, Seattle Direct Marketing Guru

“Always listen to W-I-I FM.”

—Old Marketing Rule

Will’s concept is dazzling!

     • His business card(s) set him apart from all others.
     • Ezell has been using this business card deck for a decade.
     • He said if he were going to do a new one, it would be very different.

     • Will gives a damn—about you. He wants to help.

     • These cards are print—a rarity in the digital world.

     • Like much maligned direct mail (my first love), this offbeat card can’t be deleted with a click.

     • It must be physically handled.

     • It has information and ideas you can use.

     • If you trash it without reading it, you might miss pure gold.

     • In the hardass world of business, Will Ezell is a hoot.

Takeaways to Consider

• I see a possible business here.

• If you should decided to invest in an Ezell Business Card Deck, I urge you not to do it on your own.

• The majority of people in the workplace are not polished writers, nor good at selling themselves in print.

• Hire a pro—ideally someone who has written a novel and knows how to create interesting characters. Or call in a seasoned interviewer who knows how to ask questions and write mesmerizing copy about people—even dull people such as actuaries and CFOs.

• Before you engage a hired gun, decide what you want your Ezell Business Card Deck to accomplish:

—Is it for business or non-business purposes?

—Or both? Maybe you want two versions—one professional, one for fun.

—If for business, is it: to acquire clients? Get a better job? Promote a book? Generate interest in a favorite charity?

 Now here's the business model if I were

 30 years younger and someone hired me.

     —Subject and writer will spend two days together.

     —In over 20 hours your life story will be pried loose from you.

     —Memorable experiences, mentors, great lessons learned, rules you follow, quips and quotes you have heard, know and love, reading experiences, travels, business philosophy and what you deeply believe.

     —This becomes a mini-autobiography.

     —Be sure all quotes and ideas—not your own—are attributed

     —The final cards in the deck will capture the very best of you: pithy ideas, short quotes, deep beliefs, basic business and personal philosophy. 

     —Above all, the effect should be compelling and memorable. 

###

Word count: 1283

#70 The Most Wackadoodle, Nuttiest Catalog I Have Ever Seen!

Issue #70 – Tuesday, September 17, 2019

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2019/09/70-most-wackadoodle-nuttiest-catalog-i.html

Posted by Denny Hatch

The Most Wackadoodle, Nuttiest
Catalog I Have Ever Seen!

Let me share with you a bizarre story told to me in the late 1960s by a former employee of the fabled jeweler Tiffany.

     During a late November rainstorm, a wet, disheveled young salesman ducked into the main Tiffany store on New York’s Fifth Avenue. He went over to the silver department and produced a small signature robin’s egg blue Tiffany gift box and opened it for the clerk at the counter. It contained a delightful little silver keychain.

     “Last Christmas I bought 15 of these for my best customers as thank you tokens for the business they gave me. Everybody loved it, especially in a Tiffany box,” he said. “My business has expanded and this year I’d like to buy 27 of them.

     The sales clerk, a nicely dressed (very) young woman, fingered the keychain and said, “I’ve never seen one of these. Let me see if we still stock them.” She went to the back of the store and the guy waited.

     A few minutes later she returned shaking her head in the negative. “I’m sorry,” she said, “we don’t carry these any more.”

     The salesman looked crestfallen. “But these were wonderful little gifts—and from Tiffany! All my customers loved them! Could you tell me why you stopped selling them?”

     She said, “Excuse me. “I’ll see if I can find out.”

     Moments later she returned and handed the salesman his keychain. “These were very popular and sold well,” she said, “but we found they brought in the wrong kind of customer.”

Fast Forward 2019

Several years ago Peggy and I went to Tiffany in Philly where she picked out a new wedding band to match an inherited engagement ring. Hence our inclusion on the Tiffany mailing list.

     Last week—from our little mailbox off the lobby of our Philly apartment building—I removed a fat folded Tiffany blue envelope containing the 64-page, 8-1/2” x 11” Tiffany Catalog N^o 9.

     The cover of Catalog N^o 9 is the lede illustration at the top of this post. I opened the catalog. Page 2 was a blank in solid Tiffany blue. Page 3 on the right hand side is the first thing you see:

“The most essential gift for a good writer

is a built-in, shockproof, shit detector.”

—Ernest Hemingway

When I read page 3 above, the red flags of my in-built detector started wildly waving in my brain.

     I adore catalogs. I grew up when the massive Sears Roebuck catalog was still thriving. First published in 1896, it was always thrilling. It changed America.

     The Sears catalog put a giant department store on the shelves of every home in America—from the major cities to farmsteads and cattle spreads in the wildest, most distant areas in the land.

     Sears’ huge business was made possible by Article 1, Section 8 of the U.S. Constitution:

“Congress shall have to power to
establish Post Offices and post roads."

You could sent in an order for anything—from a thimble to a pre-fab house [sic]—and the kit would be delivered to you.  

     As publisher of the WHO’S MAILING WHAT! direct mail newsletter and archive service, I handled and logged into the archive hundreds—no thousands—of catalogs over the 18 years we ran the business. My favorite was always the glorious, gaudy and deliciously outrageous Neiman Marcus Christmas book.

 

The proprietor of Neiman’s—the pixyish bearded Stanley Marcus (1905-2002) with the perpetual twinkle in the eye—made absolutely sure his catalog copy (gleefully) explained exactly what he was selling and precisely how to order it.

Here’s the first Tiffany two-page spread—pp. 4-5:

Alas, with Tiffany, the reader hasn’t a clue what is for sale here.

     Okay, the illustration at right is a bracelet. Or is it a ring?

     What is the item # or design? What is it made of? Gold? Platinum? What is the cost? How can I order it?

     Here’s the mouse type copy in the upper middle of the right hand page:

THERE’S NOTHING MORE ALLURING THAN A

PIECE FROM TIFFANY. OUR MOST ICONIC

COLLECTIONS TAKE CENTER STAGE.

Notice the teeny-tiny thin black perpendicular line at the extreme right. This is a message in absolutely unreadable 4-pt type:

Select styles launching throughout fall 2019. Please contact 

Customer Service at 800 843 3260 for additional information.

Another Spread Early in the Book

 

The three mouse type lines of centered copy at left:

WHEN IT COMES TO WEARING TIFFANY JEWELRY

THE RULES DON’T APPLY HERE. WE CELEBRATE THE BOLD

ORIGINALTY OF PERSONAL STYLE.

Note the perpendicular black line next to the gutter at right. This is the teensy 4-point sans serif line of copy:

Select styles launching throughout fall 2019. Please contact 
Customer Service at 800 843 3260 for additional information.

Moving Right Along to Two More Successive

Spreads from Tiffany’s Weirdsville Catalog

Absolutely no copy anywhere—no descriptions of the items, no prices. Nuttin’. Zero. Zip. Nada.

     Below is the two-page spread that follows.

Here is the Mouse Type Copy 
Under the Spoon with the Cherry: 

Previous pages: Designs from the Seguso Vetri d’Arte collection, from $3,000. Designs from the Tiffany 1837 Makers collection, from $325.

Also featuring designs from the Home & Accessories collection from $225, and a necklace in platinum with diamonds, price upon request

Above: Designs from the Tiffany Ampersand collection, from $25.Also featuring designs from the Home & Accessories collection, from $775.

Takeaways to Consider

• The entire book is about Tiffany—"we celebrate," "we explore," "we believe."

• "The customer doesn't give a damn about you, your company or your product. All that matters is, 'What's in it for me'?" 
   —Bob Hacker, Seattle Direct Marketer

• "Always listen to W-I-I FM." 
—Old marketing rule.

• My bet: The designers were told by clueless management to “Do your thing and be creative.” 

• The key copy seems to have been written by Tiffany's corporate historian: "Designs from the Seguso Vetri d'Arte collection from $3,000... Designs from the Tiffany 1837 Makers collection, from $325... Designs from the Tiffany Ampersand collection, from $25."

• Huh?

• The gold standard for measuring the success of a catalog is:

 

Square Inch Analysis.

 1. Putting more items on one page makes more sense.

2.  The items should be sold not only on the website but also in the catalog.

3. Pruning out the unprofitable page by removing some items or pages.

4. Feature those products in which the customers are more interested in make it more attractive.

5. All white space should be taken into account for every inch of space on the page.

6. Items which perform better should get more space whereas those performing below average should get less space.

7. If a product is generating adequate sales even in small space then give that space to an underperforming item to measure its performance.

The ultimate goal of square inch analysis is to understand whether the items are profitable or not.
—MBA sKool.com

• Alas, in the spreads above, there were no descriptions, no prices and no order mechanism. It does not take rocket scientist to deduce that with nothing to buy and no way to buy it, ipso facto the catalog is a money loser.

• Maybe this catalog was an attempt by Tiffany to bring in the right kind of customer. But with nothing to order, it could not have brought in any customers.

• "Make it easy to order."
   —Elsworth Howell, Howell Book House 

• “Every time we get creative, we lose money.”

   —Ed McCabe, President, RCA Record Club

###

Word count: 1196

#69 Suddenly Jeff Bezos Dropped the Ball—Bigtime!

Issue #69 — Tuesday, September 10, 2019

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2019/09/69-suddenly-jeff-bezos-dropped.html

Posted by Denny Hatch

Suddenly Jeff Bezos
Dropped the Ball—Bigtime!

 

Over the past 25 years I have spent thousands of dollars with Amazon—for pre-Kindle books, Kindle books as well as other stuff.

     Recently I ordered replacement blades for my trusty old Phillips Norelco 8240XL electric shaver. I have had two or three of these little wonders over the years. They have always given me painless close shaves quickly and efficiently.

     Every six months to a year I have ordered replacement blades from Amazon. In the past I have always been satisfied with Amazon service—good blades delivered within a day or two with free (Amazon √Prime) postage.

Recent Unpleasantness

     This past summer I inserted new blades and discovered the smoothness was not there. The replacements were rough on my face, pulling on individual hairs and failing to give the really close shave I was used to.

     I figured it was my old machine getting used to the new blades and everything would soon smooth out. The discomfort continued for several months. I walked around with perpetual stubble. I toughed it out.

From The Wall Street Journal, August 23, 2019

 

 

Just like tech companies that have struggled to tackle misinformation on their platforms, Amazon has proven unable or unwilling to effectively police third-party sellers on its site.

Many of the millions of people who shop on Amazon.com see it as if it were an American big-box store, a retailer with goods deemed safe enough for customers.

     In practice, Amazon has increasingly evolved like a flea market. It exercises limited oversight over items listed by millions of third-party sellers, many of them anonymous, many in China, some offering scant information.

     A Wall Street Journal investigation found 4,152 items for sale on Amazon.com Inc.’s site that have been declared unsafe by federal agencies, are deceptively labeled or are banned by federal regulators—items that big-box retailers’ policies would bar from their shelves. Among those items, at least 2,000 listings for toys and medications lacked warnings about health risks to children.

     If Wall Street Journal’s story is accurate, Amazon no longer guarantees the authenticity of is merchandise.

Amazon Is Now Following the Sad-Sack eBay Model

All I want is my Phillips Norelco razor to work like always. I expect to pay full price for Phillips Norelco replacement heads.

      I do not want to get involved with counterfeits, counterfeit claims or “what to do when you open a dispute.” 

     So what the hell did I order? What Amazon sent me were obviously not Phillips Norelco replacement blades.

     I went back on the Amazon site for a closer look and found a shopper’s worst nightmare. I was being offered dozens of different sets of replacement blades.

     In the words of my late colleague, Paul Goldberg:

                       “Confuse ‘em,

                        Ya lose ‘em.”

 

     Being forced to plow though all these Amazon mouse type ads from counterfeiters—many of them no doubt paying Chinese slaves 44¢ an hour for 15-hour days to manufacture cheapsy-weepsy face-pinching sleaze made my blood boil.

A Visit to the Phillips Norelco Website

     Alas, Phillips Norelco sells nothing direct from its homepage. The message:

          Buy this product at:

I absolutely no longer trust Amazon.

     Jeff Bezos—the world’s richest man—has reportedly thrown up his hands and turned his amazin’ Amazon multi-billion dollar cash cow over to a bunch of giddy, greedy money-grubbing hustlers who will sell anything from anybody so long as they get a piece of the action.

     For example: here are two randomly selected ads—among dozens on the Amazon website—for my replacement blades:

 

                             
These two ads use illustrations of iconic Phillips Norelco elements—an authentic blue box and the head of a shaver like mine. But there's no guarantee the replacement blades being offered are made by Phillips Norelco.
            

Advice to Bezos: You’re a Damned Fool to Allow

Untrained Underlings to Wreck Your Business!

On this repeat shopping expedition I spent a long, long time on Amazon looking for real, Honest-to-God Phillips Norelco replacement blades.

     Bezos could have closed the sale quickly and easily if…

… He Had Included This Little Ad I Wrote and Designed.

I included four Unique Selling Propositions (USPs).

     These set authentic replacement blades apart from all the other junk featured on the Amazon website:

1.    Official The Phillips Norelco logo.

2.    A GUARANTEE these are real Phillips Norelco blades.

3.    My specific shaver number is shown: 8240XL. This ad is talking directly to me.

4.    The product is Personally Guaranteed by Jeff Bezos.

Takeaways to Consider

• Always include a Guarantee of absolute satisfaction for a product or service.

• Benjamin Franklin used direct mail to sell his scientific and academic library in 1744. It was Franklin who created the very first mail order guarantee:

“Those persons who live remote, by sending their orders and money to said B. Franklin, may depend on the same justice as if present.”

• A real person in authority should sign the guarantee and be the company spokesperson.

• The Greatest Customer Guarantee—Ever!

• Alas, rip-off artists forced the end of Bean’s Guarantee.

A Letter to Our Customers,

Since 1912, our mission has been to sell high-quality products that inspire and enable people to enjoy the outdoors. Our commitment to customer service has earned us your trust and respect, as has our guarantee, which ensures that we stand behind everything we sell.

Increasingly, a small, but growing number of customers has been interpreting our guarantee well beyond its original intent. Some view it as a lifetime product replacement program, expecting refunds for heavily worn products used over many years. Others seek refunds for products that have been purchased through third parties, such as at yard sales.

Based on these experiences, we have updated our policy. Customers will have one year after purchasing an item to return it, accompanied by proof of purchase. After one year, we will work with our customers to reach a fair solution if a product is defective in any way.

— Shawn O. Gorman, Feb. 18, 2018

   L.L.Bean Executive Chairman

• What Was I Thinking??? 
Below is the first ad I wrote and designed for Amazon. It was lousy.

• The first version of my ad had Amazon signing the Guarantee.

• “Two basic tenets of selling are that (1) people buy from other people more happily than from faceless corporations, and that (2) in the marketplace as in theater, there is indeed a factor at work called “the willing suspension of disbelief.

     “Who stands behind our pancakes? Aunt Jemima. Our angel food cake? Betty Crocker. Our coffee? Juan Valdez.  Anyone over the age of three knows that it’s all myth. But like Santa Claus and the tooth fairy, the myths are comforting.”

—Bill Jayme, Freelancer

• In the most recent count, Amazon has 647,500 employees. Telling the customer a promise of complete satisfaction is being guaranteed by over a half million men and women—from pickers-‘n’-packers all the way up to copywriters, VPs and executives—is preposterous.

•  In a giant corporation, only one person can guarantee satisfaction and take the heat:

     —At Apple: Tim Cook.

     —At Microsoft: Bill Gates.

     —AT J.P. Morgan/Chase: Jamie Dimon.

     —At Amazon: Jeff Bezos.

     Everybody else in the company is a cipher, a zip, a nobody.

• Use the person's real signature (if it's readable). Don't use a tidy, obviously fake computerized version.

 • "The signature is your salesman's handshake."
    —Malcolm Decker, Entrepreneur, Freelancer

P.S. In researching this post, I stumbled across the Phillips Norelco S9000 Prestige. 

 

      How could I know Amazon was selling the real deal? An American entrepreneur can hire a Chinese company to manufacture a product and chances are they will set up a duplicate production facility across town, manufacture your product and start selling it around the world before you take delivery here in the States.

What’s Amazon Good for?

Okay, I’ll buy Kindle books from Amazon. They cannot be counterfeited. But little else.
     I no longer trust the bastards.

     Even though we are pensioners, Peggy and I rented an Enterprise Car Share Kia for a trip to Best Buy for my new shaver. It is a dream!

     I paid considerably more (plus car rental), but I know it’s the real deal!
     In Peggy's immortal words: "Wow! Your face is as soft as a baby's bottom!

###

Word count: 1,320