#151 People Don't Buy From Clowns

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2022/03/151-people-dont-buy-from-clowns.html

 

#151  Blog Post – Wednesday, 30 March 2022

 

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

New Faces in Direct Mail

 Are Trashing the Old Rules

 

  

Hi, we’re Share Local Media

Share Local Media aims to reimagine the world of offline marketing for tech and e-commerce companies. 

As a full-service agency, program operator, and SaaS technology platform Share Local Media Helps tech and e-commerce companies leverage direct mail to achieve efficient direct response outcomes with high quality branding.

https://www.builtinnyc.com/company/share-local-media

 

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“People don’t buy from clowns.”   —David Ogilvy

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It All began with This 6” x 9” Envelope
And Its Ten 5-1/2" x 8-1/2" Inserts.

•   "The wickedest of all sins is to run an

     advertisement without a headline."

     —David Ogilvy 

 

•   “Avoid text printed over, or reversed out

     of, a busy or distracting background.”

     —Ed Elliott

 

Who Sent This? I Went Online And Found

These Clowns’ Manifesto Is Gibberish.

 

ABOUT

"Share Local Media (SLM) aims to reimagine the world of offline marketing for tech and e-commerce companies. We started as e-commerce marketers ourselves, and launched SLM with a goal of turning direct mail into a high performing, scalable channel for a digitally native client set. To do so, we’ve taken an inputs based-approach to the space, and re-engineered the channel from the ground up to make it easier to test, faster to execute, more measurable, and ultimately, more effective for e-commerce and tech clients of all types.

"We live and breathe direct response marketing, and strive to delight clients with high performing campaigns built around fast, data-driven client service, and premium, unique branding." 

 

Now Let's Have a Look at an Insert
Written and Designed by the Clowns

 Obverse (Front) Panel. Beauty Shot.

 

•   “Avoid text printed over, or reversed out

     of, a busy or distracting background.”

     —Ed Elliott

 

Reverse (Back) Panel. The Business Side (description, price, where available, order mechanism., etc.)

 

• “Never set your copy in reverse (white type on a black background) and never set it over a gray or colored tint. The old school of art directors believed that these devices forced  people to read the copy; we now know that they make reading physically impossible.”—David Ogilvy 

 

"Always make it easy and obvious how and where to order."       —Elsworth Howell 

 

"Type smaller than 9-point is difficult for most people to read."      —David Ogilvy

 
 

• The only contact information—where to order—is a single, easy-to-miss line in tiny type at the bottom of the back side of the insert:

Start exploring now at awaytravel.com

        

 

• There is no ordering information anywhere on the insert. 

 

• What is the price of these products? 

 

•  What is the USP (Unique Selling Proposition)? 

 

• In other words, how are they different from (and better than) competing products. E.g., Samsonite, TravelPro, American Tourister, Coolife? 

 

• What are these products made of? What are the "three durable materials" mentioned in the copy? 

 

• Where are they made? U.S.A? China? India?

 

BELOW: Copy Retyped for Readability

Built for modern travel        
We know travel might look different these days, but we’ve
got you covered—even if you’re not going far. Our thoughtfully
designed suitcases, bags and accessories offer something
for every type of traveler, and every type of trip.

THE PERFECT SUITCASES
Shop our suitcases in three durable materials—
each one is designed to last for life.

PREMIUM FEATURES
Four 360º spinner wheels, interior
compression system, and combination lock.

FREE SHIPPING, AND RETURNS
We’ve got all shipping covered, and
exchanges and  returns are always easy.*

 

Start exploring now at awaytravel.com

*Items with personalization cannot be returned.

 

 

• Note: the asterisked disclaimer is in wee, tiny, itsy-bitsy, minuscule 6-point Courier type reversed out in white-on-black and unreadable sans magnifying glass. This guaranteed dishonest fight-starter with customer service is hardly a confidence-builder.

 

 

Takeaways to Consider

One day a man walked into a London agency and asked to see the boss. He had bought a county house and was about to open it as a hotel. Could the agency help him to get customers? He had $500—to spend. Not surprisingly, the head of the agency turned him over to the office boy, who happened to be the author of this book. I invested his money in penny postcards and mailed them to well-heeled people living in the neighborhood. Six weeks later the hotel opened to a full house. I had tasted blood!

   —David Ogilvy, Ogilvy on Advertising

 

• Direct mail is the world’s oldest advertising technique; it goes back to 10 July 1194 A.D.

 

• Direct mail is a not a slow, clunky, cumbersome, hugely expensive antique step-child of advertising. “Direct mail is the aristocrat of advertising.” —Lew Smith

 

• Never forget the direct marketing business hub started off as the DMA (Direct Mail Association) and over the next half-century went through myriad industry name-changes. Three years after it started calling itself “Data Driven Marketing” the entire once- massive and influential organization was basically outta business—a faint shadow of its grand former self.

 

• In this epoch of the Internet, Social Media, TV, robo-calling and print advertising, direct mail is the only safe medium to use when you are testing a new product or service and be guaranteed it won’t be picked up, stolen and sold around the world by Chinese thieves and counterfeiters even before you’ve finalized your start-up financing.

 

• A simple, plain-Jane direct mail 775-word non-personalized junk mail letter was the most successful advertisement in the history of the world.

 

• Direct mail is the only medium where you can test small, precisely analyze response results, run confirming tests and—if the numbers hold up—roll out and cream the market and leave your competitors eating your dust.

 

• "Direct marketing is the science and art of creating wants.”      —Denny Hatch  

 

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#150 A Congress Person's Horrors

 http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2022/03/150-congressmans-horrors.html

#150 Blog Post – Wednesday, 22 March 2022

 

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

The Simple $7.50/month Solution

To the Horrors Congress Faces

 

U.S. Representative  Dwight Evans,

Pennsylvania’s 3^rd Congressional District

 

Last week I was invited to Peggy’s Cosmopolitan Club to hear a talk by our Congressman, Dwight Evans. He is very big, huggy-bear of a guy with charm, grace and a phenomenal memory. First elected to the Pennsylvania House in 1980, Evans has been involved in politics for more than 40 years. He knows Pennsylvania — and the inner workings of Philadelphia and Congress — cold. We’re damn lucky to have him working for us.

 

My Problem with Rep. Dwight Evans

He robo-calls once or twice a month or more to beg for campaign money. We send him money occasionally. But his calls take up time and take me away from my work. When I’m in the middle of something, I don’t want to be interrupted by Dwight Evans.

 

How Dwight Evans’s Constituency Is Twice-screwed

Members of the U.S. Congress are paid $174,000 a year plus expenses. The average cost to run a winning campaign for Congress is $2 million for every two-year term. A number of congressmen are extremely wealthy (e.g., Darrell Issa, representing the 50^th district of California has a reported net worth of $460 million.)

 

But the average member of Congress must spend 4 hours a day—every workday—in an offsite telemarketing boiler room with a script, pleading with donors for campaign contributions so he/she can get reelected and keep working in your behalf.

 

 The 116^th Congress (2019-2021) was in session 196 days a year. Four hours of dialing for dollars means they each member of congress spent 784 hours working to raise money. That’s 784 hours working for himself and not working for me.

What is more daunting: the average member of the House of Representatives must raise $18,000 a day or be out of a job.

 

 

With a term of just two years (mandated by the U.S. Constitution), on the very day Dwight is re-elected, he must start his 4-hour-a-day fundraising schedule all over again in order to buy his seat for the next cycle. The system stinks. It’s debilitating. And we, the people, are screwed by being forced to rely on part-time congressmen.

 

Should Congressional Campaigns

Be Financed by the Government?

Hell, no! This would grant walking-around money to every out-of-work idiot who declared for candidacy. And what about myriad state and local candidates? Government funding is a lousy idea!

 

The Raw Numbers for a Congress Person and How

Just $5 to $10 a Month Would Make a Difference

• Number of bodies (men, women and children) in the average congressional district: 700,000.

 

• The Average Number of households per congressional district (@2.5 people): 280,000.  (This is the potential raw donor base).

 

• The cost of a winning congressional campaign every two years is roughly $2 million.

 

           —OpenSecrets.org

 

• If ten percent (10%) of those 280,000 households contributed $5 or $10 a month, here’s what would happen. $5 to $10 per month from 10 percent of the electorate would mean a $7.50 average.

 

•   Donor Base:                         28,000

     Avg. Monthly Gift:        x       $7.50

     Monthly Total:                 $210,000

     12 Months/per year:     x           12

                  Grand Total:                    $2,520,000

 

How to Guarantee the Monthly

$7.50 Pledge Will Be Collected

 

 

Takeaways to Consider

 

• U.S. politicians lead lives of perpetual desperation. (Exception: The U.S. Senate)

 

• Would you invest in a  company—or fly in a jet plane—if you knew the employees were forced to spend 4 hours a day raising money so they can keep their jobs?

 

• Cash-starved Congress members are ipso-facto the most inefficient workers of any organization in the country. We the taxpayers are screwed.

 

• The obvious solution would be small $5 to $10 credit card donations every month to congressional, state and local political election committees just the same as animal rescuers and children’s hospitals.

 

• Desperately needed: a patriotic, non-partisan national organization of savvy professional fundraisers to put together—and execute—a plan that will free up members of congress and local representatives to do their jobs on behalf of their constituencies.

 

• Members of the United States Senate need not apply. Below is a sampling from Open Secrets:

                                

 

 

• “The definition of an honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.” 

—Simon Cameron (1799-1889)

Abraham Lincoln’s Secretary of War                                                             

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#149 The Power of Testimonials

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2022/03/149-power-of-testimonials.html 

 #149 Blog Post – Wednesday, 16 March 2022

 

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

The Awesome Power of Testimonials—

Valuable Members of Your Sales Team.

 

                                                                 —Thesaurus.com

Many years ago, at a Direct Marketing Association convention I had drinks with a marketing VP of a niche manufacturer who was having a terrible time honing his sales message and differentiating his product from the competition.

 

I immediately asked if he had any testimonials from happy customers.

 

He reached into his briefcase and produced an extraordinary paean from a deliriously satisfied long-term user. It described in gritty detail how the product was being used, how it was saving his company six figures a year and why it was so much better than anything like it in the industry. As I recall, it even came up with a couple of gorgeous USPs (Unique Selling Propositions).

 

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” I said. “Use this in your advertising and your direct marketing. Use it everywhere! Hell, print it in huge type and put it on the back wall of your exhibit booth. You’ll have more customers than you can handle!”

 

“I can’t,” the guy said. “It was a personal letter from him to me and strictly confidential. My boss is paranoid and would never allow it to be made public.”

 

I winced and asked if he had other equally happy customers.  He said he did.

 

“Then for Pete's sake, ask them for testimonials.”

About Testimonials

If your in-house sales copy makes outrageous, self-serving claims about your own product or service, you can get into deep doo-doo with the regulators—not to mention creating a possible credibility gap with customers and prospects. On the other hand, if you can get a satisfied customer to make the same claims, you’re golden.

 

For example, If you promise obese people they can eat all they want of everything they love and lose 60 pounds in 30 days, you could get into trouble with the FTC. 

 

If you can get customer who used your diet system, pigged out on eating binges, drank like a fish and lost 60 pounds in 30 days, it’s okay. That’s because the First Amendment guarantees the right of free speech.

 

The Five Stages of Customer Acquisition

The generally recognized sequence of events in marketing is:

 

(1) Find a suspect. (Everybody in the world is a suspect).

 

(2) Do enough research on the suspects to qualify likely prospects.

 

(3) Turn that prospect into a customer (or donor).

 

(4) Convert that customer/donor into a multi-buyer (or regular donor). 

 

(5) Nirvana is when that person becomes an advocate—who loves you so much that you will get a testimonial and—best of all—referrals.

 

An Apoplectic Moment…

For many years I was a freelance copywriter, designer and consultant. Whenever I landed a new client, before anything could happen, I would schedule a meeting in-person (or, if necessary on the phone) to learn everything about the business, the product and/or service I would be working to help market. One of the questions on my new-client checklist was: “Do you have any testimonials from happy customers?”

 

I remember one new client wrinkled his brow and said, “Testimonials? . . . I think we got some. They’re maybe in a shoebox somewhere. I’ll have to look for them.”

 

Under my breath I said to myself, “holy shit.”

 

Testimonials are Marketing Gold

If you have satisfied and loyal customers, don’t be shy about asking them for a testimonial. Savvy customers should want to support their suppliers. For example, for the first time in a long time Americans are seeing what it’s like to have an interruption in the supply chain. The result: lost sales, idled production lines, layoffs of employees and a nightmarish scramble to somehow right the corporate ship.

 

If you can get a testimonial about the quality of your product and service, I suggest you drop everything and do your damnedest get it into your marketing mix.

 

1. Immediately write an effusive letter of sincere thanks and how you were delighted with those kind words and that you would like to use the words as a testimonial. 

2. Always be clear what you are going to use the testimonial for and get their permission and ask them not to date it; that way you can use it for quite a while without anyone asking what has he/she done lately.  —Donn Richardson  

3. “For testimonials, send the customer the text and have them type it onto their letterhead.”—Bob Wells

4. Ask how the permission should be signed. (e.g., John Smith or J.S.)

 

Takeaways to Consider:

• According to one study, the regular use of customer testimonials can help you generate roughly sixty-two percent more revenue not only from every customer but from every time they visit your brand. —Big Commerce

 

•  Ninety-two percent of people said that they read testimonials when considering a purchase. —Vendasta

 

•  A further eighty-eight percent of consumers said that they trusted these reviews just as much as personal recommendations, according to the same study. —Strategic Factory

 

•  To top it off, seventy-two percent of those who responded to the survey in question said that positive reviews and testimonials helped them trust a business significantly more.­—Strategic Factory

 

• "If one testimonial tests well, try two. But don’t use testimonials by celebrities unless they are recognized authorities, like Arnold Palmer on golf clubs." —David Ogilvy

 

• “Don’t just say it — prove it!  Use testimonials, case histories.” —Andrew J. Byrne

 

• A testimonial is another member of your sales team—an outsider, presumably with no skin in the game who adds credence to your message. This is a far sight more believable than if these were the words of your agency or in-house copywriter.

 

• Business people may not be born writers. Their testimonial may seem to require some editing and tinkering. However...

  

• “Real testimonials have a genuine sound to them that’s very hard to reproduce. Maybe the grammar is ever so slightly off, a peculiar choice of word usage, a point made that no professional copywriter ever would have considered. Try to use these real raindrops wherever possible before you start seeding the clouds. Back in the days when silver dollars were common currency, bartenders, store clerks, etc. used to drop the dollar on the counter and listen to the ring... because it was distinctly different from the dull sound made by lead counterfeits.  I’ve found the same to be true of testimonials.  People can spot the real ones from a made-up ones a mile away. So, while I don’t disagree with the rules above, I’d be very careful about doing too much rewriting, suggesting and editing.” —Richard Armstrong 

 

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