#181 Junk Journalist

 

#181 Blog Post – Thursday, February 16, 2023

 http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2023/02/181-junk-journalist.html

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

The New York Times New Junk Journalist

 

 

 When a reporter from The New York Times sends me an email, I take notice. When her invitation is for me to send her “bad ads,” I am stopped cold. What is a “bad ad” (other than two words that rhyme)?

 

I can’t judge whether advertising is good or bad. Advertising judges me.

 

If an ad — digital, print, direct mail or TV — is repeated over and over again, it’s ipso facto a good ad. In the immortal words of Dorothy Kerr, circ director of US News & World Report: “If an offer keeps coming in over and over again, it’s obviously profitable. Study it and STEAL SMART.”

 

What Constituted a Bad Ad in Those Salad days?

My first job in direct marketing was in 1961. The industry association was the DMA — The Direct Mail Marketing Association. Back then Direct Marketing was Direct Mail — intimate personal me-to-you communications retrieved in the privacy of your mailbox.

 

Direct mail was the dominant advertising medium — far bigger than ads in newspapers, magazines, TV or telemarketing. America’s mailboxes were stuffed with direct mail. Direct mail was the aristocrat of advertising.

 

Direct mail also saved (and is saving) the Postal Service. Without direct mail advertising revenue, the USPS would be plum outta business.

 

In those days, the definition of a “bad ad” was a direct mail package that was sent to the wrong person.

 

At some point direct mail got the good-natured nickname of “junk mail."

 

The Direct Mail Marketing Association under founder Henry “Pete” Hoke and his committee chairs hated the term “junk mail.” For a number of years, the DMA bigwigs threatened perdition and even lawsuits against any person or company that used the term “junk mail” in an article or speech. No kidding.

 

A Quickie Aside.

The wittiest and most fun copywriting team of all time was the legendary Bill Jayme and his designer partner, Heikki Ratalahti. One time Bill and I compared notes and discovered we both adored the term ”junk mail.” What’s more, we both loved using the term because it pissed people off.

 

Jayme expressed his real feelings about “junk mail” in an interview he did for my WHO’S MAILING WHAT! newsletter many years ago. Jayme said:

     “I don't understand why the industry hates the term junk mail. 

     “I love it. 

     “After all, antique dealers love junk shops. Old car enthusiasts love junk yards. Until a few years ago, Wall Street loved junk bonds. Who among us doesn't love to head for the beach house with a pile of junk fiction? And what's a Hong Kong fisherman without his beloved junk? 

     “Junk is a wonderful word. 

     “Of course, in Heikki's and my case, we spell it “junque.”

 

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2020/01/81-junk-mail-pr-campaign.html 

 

Okay, Back to the  New York Times New Junk Journalist
Google “Tiffany Hsu” and here’s what comes up:

 

“Tiffany is currently a reporter focusing on disinformation for The New York Times. She holds an MBA and journalism master's degree from Columbia University. She was previously an award-winning California economy reporter at the Los Angeles Times.”

 

What Was The New York Times Thinking???

• Why was an “award-winning California economy reporter" handed the prestigious New York Times advertising beat? Has she read David Ogilvy? Vic Schwab? Joan Throckmorton? Eugene Schwartz? Joe Sugarman? Dick Benson? Drayton Byrd? Bob Bly? Rosser Reeves? Denny Hatch? Does she know the meaning of CPM, CPO, allowable cost-per-order? Has she ever written and designed an ad? What are her criteria for passing judgment on a “good ad” or a “bad ad”?

 

• In short, Tiffany Hsu doesn’t seem to have the creds to know squat about advertising.

 

• Why would The New York Times — with $110 million in advertising revenue — hire “an award-winning California economy reporter” to create a worldwide Let’s-Dump-on-Advertising Grievance Association among its 9.3 million subscribers and millions more outsiders? 

 

Here’s This California Economy Expert Pontificating About Advertising

“If you are encountering more unwanted ads, please share them with me. I am a reporter at The New York Times, focusing on misinformation, with years spent covering media and marketing. Bad ads can be a sign of many things: a weakening economy, a shift in priorities for social media companies, even a bolder push by malicious actors to indoctrinate consumers. Your experiences can help us understand the factors at play.”

 

“Huh?”

 

Another Tiffany Hsu pronouncement in the Times:

“Recent ads on Twitter, as described by users, have made the platform feel like a tabloid magazine or the haunting ground of Ron Popeil, the inventor of wares people didn’t know they needed including the Veg-O-Matic, the Ronco Electric Food Dehydrator and the Inside-the-Shell Egg Scrambler...”

 

Are you kidding me? RON POPEIL WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST!!!

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2020/02/85-americas-two-greatest-tv-pitchmen.html

 

Tiffany’s Challenge to Us N.Y. Times Readers

“Have you noticed more unwelcome ads (for example, irrelevant, repetitive, misleading) on social media lately?”

 

Let’s parse the three words that Tiffany claims constitute “unwelcome”:

Irrelevant, Repetitive, and Misleading:

 

“Irrelevant.”

Peggy & I sold our big car four years ago. Public transportation in Philly is free to seniors. Our parking garage, gas, insurance and repairs cost us oh… maybe $8,000 a year. That’s a lot of Ubers and taxis delivering us to a lot of front doors and tips to the food delivery folks from Acme, Wegman’s and Little Italy Pizzeria. Yes, I think you’ll agree that for Peggy and me, “automobile ads are indeed irrelevant.” But, Hey! I don’t find car ads “unwelcome.” I love 'em! I’m delighted to learn about new models, see glorious photographs of them and know about the five- and six-figure prices reckless polluters are happily paying. (Exception of course, EVs.)

 

“Repetitive.”

Nobody remembers an ad once. One has to see an ad multiple times before the message sinks in. I can’t count the number of times a day on TV that I get hit with the emu’s theme song, “Liberty, Liberty, Liberty… only pay for what you need.” In short, repetition is an essential element in all advertising.

 

“Misleading.”

How can you know it’s misleading unless you’ve tried the product or service? Does it live up to the promises in its ads? If not, did you ask for your money back? Did you get a response? Or — as with the airlines these days when they cancel your flight last minute — did they keep your money? In short, how can you instantly know an ad is “misleading” unless you’ve been misled by that advertiser?

 

What Ads Do I Find Unwelcome? Here’s an instant classic I can’t wait to share with you.

 

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

 

Takeaways to Consider

• No kidding. The above is what I received this past Saturday. Verbatim.

 

• If you want to pursue the work of Tiffany Hsu, here are links in recent issues of The New York Times.

 

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/11/business/have-you-noticed-more-bad-ads-online-we-want-to-see-them.html

 

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/11/technology/bad-digital-ads.html 

 

• Forget about award-winning advertisements.

"Awards are like hemorrhoids. Every old asshole gets one.

   —François Ozon, "Swimming Pool"

 

• In the words of my very first boss in business, Henry Castor: “God protect us from amateurs!”

 

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Word count: 1722

 

#180 FDR Communicator

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2023/02/180-blog-post-wednesday-february-8-2023.html 

 

#180 Blog Post – Wednesday, February 8, 2023

 

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

The Greatest Communicator
In the History of the World

 

No One (Before or Since) Reached as Many People on

An Intimate, One-to-one Basis as Franklin D. Roosevelt

 

PHILADELPHIA. WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2023.

[The President] “shall from time to time give to the Congress Information of the State of the Union, and recommend to their Consideration such Measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient.”

—U.S. Constitution, Article II, Section 3

 

Last evening Peggy and I spent three-plus hours in front the TV. We had the equivalent of front row seats in the House of Representatives chamber in the U.S. Capitol. We watched the raucous, rude and crude assemblage of 1000+ politicians, stone faced garishly costumed military bigwigs and black-robed Supremes alongside guests, dignitaries, fans and fanatics plus the 535 politicians popping up and down like hoppy toads to applaud, shout encouragement, boo, hiss and heckle.

 

This was followed by the usual free-for-all media circus where wildly overpaid smarty-pants television personalities jostled for attention so they explain to us what we really saw, what the President really meant and what conclusions we should really draw.

 

After a full hour-plus of distractions, disruptions and hysteria I went to bed unable remember a single word that Joe Biden said about anything.

 

The Net Result

Joe Biden’s 2023 State of the Union address last night reached 38.2 million viewers — a pathetic 11.4% of the US population of 332.4 million. Yes, Folks, bloody pathetic!)

 

Contrast this with…

FDR’s March 12, 1933, Fireside Chat No. 1 on network radio (explaining the 1933 Banking Crisis) reached 61.3 million listeners — a whopping 45.5% of the US population of 134.9 million.)

How FDR Quietly Shared His
Vast Knowledge with Millions.

During his 12 years as President, Franklin D. Roosevelt reached a huge swath of the population. His main platform was a series of 30 folksy radio broadcasts running 11 to 44 minutes. CBS newsman Bob Trout dubbed these talks “fireside chats.” This evoked the image of FDR sitting by himself in front of a friendly hearth with cracking flames. Radio is voice only. As a listener you could imagine he was talking directly to you alone almost as though you were on the telephone together.

 

When the president signed off, the listener could sit quietly and ponder his words and ideas. No interruption by a panel of know-it-all TV personalities out-shouting each other for our attention.

 

Was radio an effective way to communicate with voters? Franklin Roosevelt was was elected by Landslides four times.

 

FDR’s Wildly Successful Presidency

• First elected in 1932, he assumed the office amidst the Great Depression — the worst economic disaster in the history of the country. Americans were scared to death.

 

• Roosevelt — in person and on radio — was the ultimate salesman — always ebullient, perpetually positive and believable.

 

Roosevelt was a “Method Marketer.” He was able to get inside the heads of the people he wanted to reach, think how they thought, and intuitively know just how to say what they wanted to hear.

 

Before he went live on the air with a Fireside Chat he would meditate — go into a reverie and envision a small family huddled around the kitchen radio waiting to hear his message.

 

FDR had a magnificent voice — rich, warm and ringing like a loving father.

 

To sell his myriad programs/wares he treated everybody as an adult with respect. He tackled complex ideas and explained them, so they became completely understandable, beneficial — and desirable.

• Under his masterful leadership he came up with the “New Deal” for America. Out of FDR’s extraordinary brain—in cahoots with his brilliant associate, Harry Hopkins —  he launched the dizzying blizzard of “Alphabet Agencies” and relief programs (a number of which are around today). Among them: CCA, CWA, WPA, NRA, TVA, SEC, HOLC, USHA, PWA, NYA, NLRB, 20 new dams. By golly, he pulled it off! The Depression was licked by 1940 and America was back on the road to glorious prosperity!

 

• Oops… Whereupon December 7, 1941, the Japs launched their sneak attack on Pearl Harbor. They sank four battleships, killed 2,403 Americans and wounded another 1,178. Four days later Germany declared war on the U.S.

 

• Suddenly with World War II we were up to our necks in alligators all over again. You betcha Americans wanted to hear what this extraordinary president had to say about how he was going to save the country and the world. (Which he did!)

 

• They didn’t want him orating to a crowd. They wanted to be spoken to personally, intimately and thoughtfully. Throughout his presidency he delivered 30 Fireside Chats.

                  

 

Let Me Share with You Two Fascinating Stories.

  

The View of Three Mile Island Nuclear Facility from
My Seat on Allegheny Airlines in Early April 1977.

 

At four in the morning of March 28, 1979, the Three Mile Island nuclear power plant near Harrisburg, Pennsylvania was the scene of the first serious accident in the in the industry history. The overheating problem was followed by a partial core meltdown. The release of radioactive material covered a 20-mile radius causing the Pennsylvania Governor Dick Thornburgh and the Nuclear Regulatory Commission to advise the evacuation of pre-school age children and pregnant women. In all 140,000 people skedaddled out of the area.  It made national and international headlines and scared the bejesus out of everybody who lived anywhere near nuclear power.

 

Etched in memory was the panicky phone call I received from Joe Eby of Hershey ten miles from the accident. Peggy and I used to run into Joe and Muriel—lovely people—at curling events. We curled against them and socialized, but we never became close friends. Joe, a World War II bomber pilot, who flew 37 missions over Germany, must have felt I was a guy on the East Coast with perspective on the news whom he could talk to. I think I calmed the Ebys down.

 

At the time I was freelancing and during the first week in April I flew to Harrisburg for a meeting with my wonderful magazine client, the late Bob Doscher. On the flight out, I was sitting in the last row of an Allegheny Airlines puddle jumper next to a young woman who was an assistant manager of the nearest bank to the Three-mile Island plant. While we were chatting, I glanced out the window and below me was the notorious Three-mile Island atomic plant. I gawked.

 

The lady banker told me the story about how the

accident caused her bank to run out of cash.

It seems the depositors were country folk did who not understand how banks worked. When queried in the aftermath they said they honestly believed when they deposited money the bank would immediately segregate it and store it the vault under their name, address and account number The bank would keep it separated from all the other money in the bank. When they heard about the meltdown, they were suddenly terrified their money would be made radio-active by the Three Mile Island accident and they would never get it back. Hence the run on cash.

 

No kidding.

 

I was gobsmacked. Harrisburg is a state capital. Weren’t these sophisticated, knowledgeable people who understand the basics of finance?  Uh-uh.

 

This Same Problem Reared Its Head 50 Years Earlier.

On October 24, 1929, New York Stock Market crashed, burned and failed to bounce back. The U.S. economy jerked along for two years. By1933, John and Jane Lunchbox had had it. They lost total confidence in the banking system. Fearful of losing their money, millions of Americans emptied their bank accounts and stashed the cash under the mattress or buried it in the back yard rather than risk it in the bank.

 

Ergo: 9,000 banks failed in the Depression losing $7 billion of deposits (the equivalent of $160 billion today).

 

Whereupon on March 6, 1933, President Roosevelt (a bare six days after he assumed office) issued the surprise Emergency Banking Act (a.k.a. Executive Order these days) declaring a “Bank Holiday.” All banks were ordered closed for business for 7 days. The result was mayhem, but it worked. Banks stopped failing and the country climbed out of the Depression.

 

How Roosevelt Calmly Mansplained This        Complex Problem to the American People.

Franklin Roosevelt took to the radio and delivered a great talk — his first Fireside Chat. He explained how banks work — chapter and verse. He did not patronize his audience. He was an adult speaking to adults. He calmed the waters. The “chat” was so effective that this became the communications medium of choice.

 

On YouTube: FDR’s First Fireside Chat.
Listen and Be Dazzled.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iipnhLTdh-0&t=26s

 

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Word Count: 1447

 

#179 Secret Documents

 http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2023/02/179-secret-documents.html

#179 – Wednesday, 1 February 2023

 

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

 

 A CATASTROPHIC FEDERAL
GOVERNMENT COCK-UP 

 

Two Old Presidents and a National Archivist

 

 Okay, you ask, why in the world is this blog — nominally devoted to direct marketing headlines, copy, junk mail, space advertising, design and the mechanics of e-commerce — concerned with a gawdawful failure of the U.S. Government?

 

Quite simply the media — print, TV and e-commerce — are ecstatic about having a new government piñata to flog unto death—the blizzard of highly sensitive Secret and Top-Secret documents turning up in odd places — e.g., Donald Trump's Mar-a-Lago Florida resort and President Biden's old Veep's office in Washington DC. Or not turning up at all.

 

The main business of today’s media is a sick cycle of riling up audiences with angst and anger in order to generate huge readership and high ratings that translate into ads, obscene profits and deliriously happy shareholders.

 

We are all direct marketers—a small cadre of conceptual thinkers, business builders and problem solvers. Clients and customers can come to us, say, with an idea for a product or service and we are paid to do a deep dive into our life experiences that can make a new business come alive... and make it profitable. Good for the client. Good for customers. Good for the economy. When a prospect calls, our standard question is: “How can I help?”

 

With that in mind I started thinking about helping a confused and inept federal government get out of the self-made mess that it finds itself in. 

 

Let's Start with the Packaging—the Dismal Teaser Copy  

 

ALL INDIVIDUALS HANDLING THIS INFORMATION ARE  REQUIRED TO PROTECT IT FROM UNAUTHORIZED DISCLOSURE IN THE INTEREST OF THE NATIONAL SECURITY OF THE UNITED STATES.

 

HANDLING, STORAGE, REPRODUCTION AND DISPOSITION OF THE ATTACHED DOCUMENT MUST BE IN ACCORDANCE WITH APPLICABLE EXECUTIVE ORDERS, STATUTES AND AGENCY IMPLEMENTING REGULATIONS.

 

This is ho-hum legalese copy (in all caps that are known to be difficult to read). Nor does it contain any of the 7 key copy drivers—the emotional hot buttons that make people act.

 

Fear – Greed – Guilt – Anger –
Exclusivity – Salvation – Flattery

 

My immediate thinking: Let’s make this sucker memorable. Let’s add some Fear and scare the bejesus of anyone who stumbles across this thing.

 

The addition of a startling $1000-a-day penalty for the late return of a single document is unheard of. It is a first — only a first — step toward solving this challenge. It fits the textbook example of my six-word definition of Direct Marketing:

 

“Attract immediate attention and change behavior.” 

 

The Care and Handling of America’s  Secrets

The two main Federal Government entities creating Secret and Top-Secret documents are the National Security Agency (NSA) and Central Intelligence Agency (CIA).

For decades we gullible Americans have taken for granted the guaranteed safe and secure oversight of the millions of national and international secrets amassed by our government, our scientists, our allies and our enemies. 

This vast cache of information — the Fort Knox of America’s intellectual, diplomatic, scientific and wartime history and secrets therein — is housed in the U.S. National Archives and Records Administration (NARA) with headquarters in Washington, D.C. and 40 branches nationwide.

 

Only insiders with ironclad security and confidential credentials are cleared to handle these national treasures. 

 

Oops! Surprise! Americans and Our
Foreign Allies May Be in Grave Danger!

IN THE NEWS:
FBI Found More Than 11,000 Government Records at Trump's Florida Home
WASHINGTON — They risk imprisonment or death stealing the secrets of their own governments. Their identities are among the most closely protected information inside American intelligence and law enforcement agencies. Losing even one of them can set back American foreign intelligence operations for years.
     Clandestine human sources are the lifeblood of any espionage service. This helps explain the grave concern within American agencies that information from undercover sources was included in some of the classified documents recently removed from Mar-a-Lago, the Florida home of former President Donald J. Trump — raising the prospect that the sources could be identified if the documents got into the wrong hands.
—Julian E. Barnes, Mark Mazzetti with Adam Goldman, The New York Times,  26 August 2022

 

IN THE NEWS:
Biden’s legal team found another batch of classified documents in search of second location
President Joe Biden’s legal team found another batch of classified government records following the initial discovery of classified documents at his former think tank office in Washington this past fall, people briefed on the matter told CNN on Wednesday.
—Phil Mattingly, Evan Perez, Maegan Vazquez, Kevin Liptak and Kaitlan Collins, CNN, Updated 8:28 PM EST, Wed January 11, 2023

 

IN THE NEWS: 
Former VP Mike Pence says he takes 'full responsibility' for classified documents found at his Indiana residence.
"Mistakes were made. And I take full responsibility," he said during remarks while in Florida.
—John L. Dorman, BUSINESS INSIDER, January 28, 2023

 

The Immediate Effects of a $1000-a-day Late Fee
1. It creates fear. This exorbitantly high penalty says to all who handle secret documents that these are very precious, valuable commodities. Carelessness will not be tolerated. Screw up and it's financial ruin.

 

2. Let's say that one thousand of the of the 11,000 documents discovered at the Mar-A-Lago Club were classified Secret or Top-Secret. Fines of $1000-per-day-per document would total a whopping $1 million dollars a day. In the immortal words of Illinois Republican Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen (1896-1968), "Pretty soon you're talking real money."

 

3. Quite simply with the specter of these out-of-sight and ruinous penalties, no lowly secretaries, pages, gofers or goof-offs in their right minds would casually sign out Top-Secret documents at the behest of the boss and remove them from NARA. Only knowledgeable, caring oh-so-careful officials—possibly overseen by armed guards—would dare handle them.

 

Three Central Careless Perps Who Should Know Better

(Left) Joseph Robinette Biden, Jr., 46^th President of the United States. (Middle)  Debra Steidel Wall, Acting Archivist of the United States. (Right) Donald John Trump, 45^th President of the United States.

 

Note to All Federal Archivists

The model program for keeping precise track of documents is elementary. The true experts are found in the nation’s 90,400 elementary school Libraries.
 

The mid-1940s were twenty years prior to computers, A.I. and data analysis. The part-time librarian in my little Lawrence Country Day Elementary School on Long Island knew the name of every kid who borrowed what book(s), the return date and immediately sent a notice when overdue.

 

How did this simple system work? For starters, inside the front or back cover of every book was a series of “DATE DUE” stamps. If you returned a book late—or lost a book—you were fined. Cash money. Oh, maybe 10¢ a day or $1 dollar a month for a late return. Plus the full replacement cost of a lost book. Across town in the Catholic Elementary School if you lost a book Sister Mary Rose McGeady rapped your knuckles with a ruler as well as punishing you financially.

This is not Rocket Science, Schmendricks!

It's not even drifting-Chinese-surveillance-balloon-in-space science, for God's sake!

From the Gospel According to Charles Schulz

 

The Only Safe Venues for Handling These
Pesky SECRET and TOP-SECRET Documents

 

About "SECRET//SCI"

“SCI” is short for “Sensitive Compartmented Information.” These documents should never go home in a borrower’s jacket pocket, purse or briefcase. Rather they are mandated to be examined in a SCIF – Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility.

 

According to the U.S. Department of Defense, a SCIF is any secure place, permanent or temporary, in which classified material “may be stored, used, discussed and/or electronically processed.”

Above: White House SCIF where President Trump and Steve Bannon preside over a meeting. Bottom left is a modular SCIF being used by President Obama and Valerie Jarrett. Bottom right is a temporary tent SCIF set up in Brazil being used by Obama and his team.

The many hundreds (perhaps thousands) of these sanitary and isolating SCIFs are available on the ground as prefab buildings, dedicated rooms in buildings, in aircraft or on ships at sea. Here is where secret documents can be studied, and face-to-face conferences and presentations can be held. Confidential Zoom meetings can take place (so long as all participants are all in SCIF venues). At session's end all records and results are to be catalogued and deposited back into the NARA mother lode. 

Takeaways to Consider:
Asking Your Help!

IN THE NEWS:
Classified documents fiasco leaves lawmakers shaking heads: What happened?
The discovery of classified documents at the homes of three top elected U.S. officials has left many lawmakers and former government workers shaking their heads and wondering how the country has ended up in this situation...
     The findings have lawmakers and aides who have dealt with classified documents puzzled over how there could be a breakdown in process in consecutive administrations, and it has triggered discussion over what reforms could prevent such mistakes from happening in the future. It has also left some officials worried that it will further erode trust in government institutions...
     “I think it is an embarrassment because at a minimum it’s bad management,” said Daniella Ballou-Aares, who served as a senior adviser in the State Department during the Obama administration and now runs the Leadership Now Project...
     “Clearly there are loopholes you can drive a Mack truck through.” —Sen. John Thune (R-SD)...
—Brett Samuels and Al Weaver, THE HILL - 01/29/23 6:00 AM ET

The above is an excerpt from the 1045-word story. Here’s the link. Read it and weep.

https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/3833593-classified-documents-fiasco-leaves-lawmakers-shaking-heads-what-happened/

 

• What can we do to help the U.S. Government turn this lemon into lemonade? 

 

• We are all direct marketers—conceptual thinkers. Clients come to us with an idea for a product or service and we are paid to do a deep dive into our life experiences and make this business come alive... and make it profitable.

• Readers of this blog are all among the savviest professionals in the business community. I ask you to ignore the hand-wringing weenies, whiners and flame throwers in Washington, in the media (and in Putin's and Jim Jordan's hip pockets) to help Uncle Sam come up with ideas for a solution to this mess.

• To repeat: How can we help make this lemon into lemonade?

• Thank you.

• I'm sure our Uncle Sam will thank you.

• Cheers.

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 Word count: 1683