#202 Blog Post — Wednesday, 3 April 2024
http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2024/04/202-neptune-lttr.html
Posted by Denny Hatch
The Tale of This Eerie Dreary Letter and
How It Morphed into a Barrel of Boffo Laffs!
Dear Margaret:
For over 50 years Neptune Cremation Service and its affiliates
have
been recognized as the largest and most trusted cremation provider in
the
United States. We provide simple cremation at an affordable price
without any of the unnecessary services many people don't want.
We want to make
sure that we are reaching you, so if you want to
know more about the benefits of cremation please complete the
information below and we will deliver to you the latest version of our
cremation answer book.
(Detach and Mail)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[End of entire 86-word anonymous sales letter to Peggy
on cheap blank white printer paper
with no letterhead nor
sender's name. Corporate address Milmont Park in
Pennsylvania (the state where we live) is buried on
backside of little letter. Company web address (above right)
for some strange reason will land you Happy Valley,
Oregon. No Sender's Signature at letter's close. Mailed in
a handsome hand-typed vellum envelope with a Business
Reply Envelope (BRE). No brochure. Nuttin' else.]
Okay. I had a lede for a quirky new blog post. Where to next?
Over the years I’ve written a gazillion articles, columns, checklists, blog posts plus delivered lectures that added to my proven techniques, rules and how-to’s for creating powerful letters, emails and ad copy. The idea of doing another of these tedious suckers bored the hell out of me — and also most likely you, the reader.
Plus... I’m 88. Cremation ain't a subject I
like to think about. :)
Then It Hit Me — I Remembered The Rolls-Royce of Burials!
Many years ago somebody came up with the wacky scheme that you or your deceased loved one might like sleeping in a
casket with music playing forever and ever. Am I nuts? Did I remember the idea correctly?
I Googled “coffins play music for eternity” and BINGO!
Up popped a slew of merchants and craftsmen selling $20,000 to $30,000 coffins with interior Surround Sound Music. Included are the highest-tech grave markers with solar panels that enable the living to change the music from any place on earth or in space forever. Below is the first of multiple entries:
About 5,530,000 results (0.39 seconds)
CLICK BELOW.
Music To Die For(ever) In Your Casket With Surround Sound ...
https://kingfm.com/music-to-die-forever-in-your-casket-with-surround-sound-video/
Then Click on the Red-and-white
YouTube Arrow on the Casket.
101.9 KING FM - LandonProduction
Sep 5, 2013
Click on the Red-and-white YouTube Arrow on the Casket.
Watch This Dude for the Funniest, Wildest,
Strangest Video Sales Pitch You'll Ever See!
I confess. I find this performance such a hoot I'm not sure this is a legit website offering Surround Sound Coffins for sale. Or is it an elaborate YouTube put-on?
Selling a product or service on online or TV requires a world-class copywriter/pitchman. Have fun and learn from my two all time favorites.
http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2020/02/85-americas-two-greatest-tv-pitchmen.html
Takeaways to Consider
• "It’s not the cough that carries you off – it’s the coffin
they carry you
off in." —Robert
Leland Taylor
Other memorable quotes by Robert Leland Taylor”
• "My air bag went off this morning. I told her to shut the hell up."
• "I may not agree with your position, but I will defend to the death your right to concede."
• "If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, you’re probably in the wrong bathroom."
• "Just humor me, okay"
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Word Count: 618
