#200 Blog Post - Wednesday, 28 February 2024
Posted by Denny Hatch
How 59 Major Advertisers Lost a Total of
Over $900 Million on Super Bowl TV Ads.
The Nine Inviolable Rules of Advertising
Compiled by Denny Hatch Over 60 Years.
Rule #1: “The only purpose of advertising is to make sales. It is profitable or unprofitable according to its actual sales.”
—Claude Hopkins, Scientific Advertising
Rule #2: “Your job is to sell, not entertain.”
—Jack Maxson, freelancer, creator of the Brookstone catalog
Rule #3: “If it doesn’t sell, it’s not creative.”
—Credo of Benton and Bowles, Chicago, in the 1930s
Rule #4: “Every time we get creative we lose money.”
—Ed McCabe, president of BMG Music Club
Rule #5: “Beware of humor in advertising. People don’t buy from clowns.” —David Ogilvy
Rule #6: The 7 emotional hot buttons that make people buy: Fear – Greed – Guilt – Anger – Exclusivity – Salvation – Flattery
—Bob Hacker, Axel Anderssen, Denny Hatch
Rule #7: “The prospect doesn’t give a damn about you, your company or your product. All that matters is, ‘What’s in it for me?’”
—Bob Hacker
Rule #8: Always listen to W-I-I FM.
—Direct Marketing Old Saw
Rule #9: “Always make it easy to order.”
—Elsworth Howell, CEO, Grolier Enterprises
Regarding the Lede Illustration.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjLr4bdLPIs
“A pair of lifelike babies play pickleball with a pair of obnoxious adults in need of schooling. One of the few ads whose humor has anything resembling a bite.”
—Mike Hale, New York Times Television Critic
What Was E-Trade Thinking?
The
E-Trade corporate officers who authorized the spending of $7,000,000.00
(plus God only knows how much additional production dough) for the 30-second Super Bowl ads sure-as-hell got their money's worth
of exposure. They reached an estimated 127.3 million viewers.
Yeah, but... How many of this vast audience were convinced and comforted that the folks at E-Trade should be trusted with the financial future of their family’s retirement and the kids’ college expenses? When you Google E-Trade, here’s what comes up:
Could the above oh-so-cutesy-poo Picklebabies @$7-million for a 30-second gag ad persuade Peggy and me to switch our modest lifetime savings from Fidelity to E-Trade?
Not bloody likely.
In other words, what was E-Trade’s ROI?
Zero. Zip. Nada. Niente. Nuttin.
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/11/arts/television/super-bowl-commercials-ads-best-worst.html
Mike Hale, The New York Times Television Critic.
Feb. 11, 2024. Updated Feb. 12, 2024, 11:27 a.m. ET
In the spirit of “Who actually watches the game?,” here is our ranking of Sunday night’s Super Bowl commercials, from best to worst.
Ground rules: Only ads shown on the national CBS broadcast during the game were eligible. Not included are some non-commercial (religious, political, social advocacy) spots and most movie trailers and promos for television and streaming broadcasts.
NOTE by DH: Many of these ads run longer than 30 seconds — thus costing tons more than $7 million. Plus all production costs, corporate and agency salaries, expenses, expense accounts, etc., etc.
The Best
of the Bunch
These are the ones we’ll remember for at least a day or two.
BMW
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfB-glrgn5o
Christopher Walken makes fun of people making fun of Christopher Walken, with a cameo performance by the Super Bowl halftime star Usher. As always, he walks the walk.
Mountain Dew
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAdDi6G74mc
Aubrey Plaza flat-affects her way through life with the help of a carbonated citrus beverage. Plaza is reliably droll, and there’s a late “Parks and Recreation” homage
Squarespace
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xp5v3-3Hc-E
Aliens (a theme in this year’s ads) come to earth and can’t get our attention until they figure out how to get on the internet. It is handsomely directed by Martin Scorsese (working with the “Barbie” cinematographer Rodrigo Prieto), though it’s not at all clear what’s being advertised.
Lindt
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ghDxSkEERE
A chocolate ball bops around the world to the tune of Perry Como’s “Round and Round.” Shiny, bouncy candy.
‘A Quiet Place: Day One’
https://mashable.com/video/a-quiet-place-day-one-super-bowl-ad
Lupita Nyong’o faces an alien invasion in a prequel film to John Krasinski’s “A Quiet Place.” The clear winner among the movie trailers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uK83PRg0Rk
A man with low vision records his life in sharp photographs using a new feature of the Google Pixel. Touching story with a predictable but effective big finish.
Dunkin’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOwR9TIeXTs
A blustery Ben Affleck tries to impress an unimpressed Jennifer Lopez while an embarrassed Matt Damon and enthusiastic Tom Brady look on. Pleasant buzz of star power.
poppi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZin7yVU_1c
Attractive young people in grainy, retro split-screen video try to convince us of the healthy nature of the sodas sold by this Austin, Texas-based beverage company. Visually fizzy.
National Football League
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7glIC7OaIro
A youngster imagines playing American football as he runs through a crowded Ghanaian market accompanied by N.F.L. players, then emerges into an N.F.L. international training program and encounters the former New York Giant Osi Umenyiora. Better ground game than the Chiefs or 49ers.
BetMGM
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=betmgm+super+bowl+commercial+
Vince Vaughn explains that Tom Brady, and only Tom Brady, is not allowed to use the sports betting service because he has already won too much. Vaughn-to-Brady is a winning combination.
We interrupt this blog post to bring you a sample of
what you can expect in the "Also Ran" Categories.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEdk5JzXMs0
The
Perfectly Fine
These get an A for effort and a
B- for execution.
TurboTax
The “Abbott Elementary” star Quinta Brunson tells us (twice) to do our taxes. Brunson is so darn likable that it seems like a good idea.
NYX Cosmetics
Cardi B raps about lip gloss; an accompanying comedy bit about men using Duck Plump to plump something other than their lips was available online but not shown on CBS. The timidity was disappointing but Cardi B is never not funny.
Apartments.com
Aliens come to earth and, naturally, need an apartment. Simple-minded but any scenario benefits from the presence of Jeff Goldblum.
Etsy
America realizes it needs to give France a gift in return for the Statue of Liberty, uses Etsy to send a giant cheese board. Sounds cute, and it is.
Kia
Dad of the year uses his Kia EV9 to light a pop-up ice rink so a young figure skater can perform for her ailing grandfather. (Or at least that’s what it looks like.) High-horsepower tear-jerker.
Coors
The Coors Light train roars across the country to salvage an awkward big-game party. Forward momentum and an amusing five-second LL Cool J cameo.
Volkswagen
The American dream as lived by an immigrant named the Beetle, from 1949 to the present, set to “I Am … I Said.” Herbie goes to Ellis Island.
Doritos
A pair of abuelas named Dina and Mita go into avenger mode when a young guy grabs the last bag of Dinamita chips. Comic action with a brief appearance by Jenna Ortega.
Verizon
Beyoncé, with the help of Tony Hale (in “Veep” mode), tries to break the internet as a saxophonist, cyborg, Barbie, astronaut and Botus. Sorry, BeyHive, but self-referential does not equal super.
Microsoft
Everyday people contemplate the differences that the Copilot A.I. assistant could make in their lives. Evocative and (intentionally?) a little eerie.
STōK Cold Brew
Anthony Hopkins lampoons his own gravitas to sell cold brew coffee as well as promote the Wrexham soccer club. Sir Anthony is in good form but his 2016 spot for TurboTax was funnier.
Inoffensive but Forgettable
They tried. Nobody got hurt.
T-Mobile
Pluto TV
‘IF’
State Farm
Nerds
Budweiser
Salomon
Dove
Try Again
Had some talent involved but the
result sailed wide right.
Booking.com
Starry
CeraVe
‘N.F.L.
Sunday Ticket’
Michelob Ultra
Popeyes
Bass Pro Shops
Mighty Patch
Pringles
Hellmann’s
Veozah
Uber Eats
Snapchat
The Flagrant Missteps
Famous people and millions of dollars that
together can’t quite amount to mediocrity.
M&M’s
CrowdStrike
Pfizer
Bud Light
e.l.f. Cosmetics
Miller Lite
Homes.com
Kawasaki
Sketchers
Reese’s
The Worst of the Bunch
It takes real effort to be this bad.
Oreo
Paramount+
Temu
BodyArmor
Toyota
Drumstick
FanDuel
Takeaway to Consider
Super Bowl Commercials 2024 — @ $7 million pop for 30 seconds of air time (plus production costs and salaries all around) and zero ROI — was a roughly a billion dollar ego trip for Mad. Ave. creative directors and their dumb-ass clients.
###
Word Count: 1358
