Wednesday, June 27, 2018

#12 When Your Guarantee Is a Big Fat Lie…


Issue #12 – Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Posted by Denny Hatch

When Your Guarantee Is a Big Fat Lie…


As a freelance copywriter, I cut my teeth on magazine renewals, billing series and subscription offers.

The Hatch family goes back 95 years with TIME. My father had been a loyal subscriber since 1923, the year it was launched.

In addition, in 1954 I spent six weeks in Rome while my father was writing the authorized biography of Clare Boothe Luce, acclaimed playwright and U.S. Ambassador to Italy in the Eisenhower Administration.

I was lucky enough to be invited to a dazzling diplomatic reception at the Villa Taverna, resplendent official residence of the American ambassador.

There I met Mrs. Luce and shook hands with her sugar daddy husband, Henry R. Luce, founding mogul and CEO of the TIME-LIFE magazine empire.

So, yeah, I paid attention to the latest effort from TIME to get me to re-up for another year.


I was happy to be offered the “guaranteed low price.” Having been a subscriber myself for 60 years, I earned it.

Or did I?

As pensioners, Peggy and I watch our pennies. And $81.95 (plus applicable taxes) seemed a bit pricy—especially since I was getting last week’s news and TIME has been on the rocks financially for years.

So I prowled the Internet.

Et Voila!




How dare TIME claim they are giving a guaranteed low price to a 60-year subscriber who can get it for $51.95 cheaper with the click of a mouse!

I immediately canceled my subscription.

Takeaways to Consider

• Your Guarantee is your sacred promise to prospects and customers.

• When your solemn promise is a big fat lie, who the hell is going to trust you, your journalism or anything else?

• TIME’s Circulation Department and management—who obviously don’t give a damn—are a bunch of liars and rip-off artists.

• Trump rails against “fake news.”

• I rail against fake offers.

• “Direct marketing should be scrupulously honest.”
Dick Benson (1922-1996), Legendary magazine consultant

• Here is the ultimate all-American Guarantee:


• NOTE: This Guarantee was not from any faceless “We guarantee.” Nor was it “The L.L. Bean Company Guarantees this product.” Bean signed it. This is L.L.’s PERSONAL GUARANTEE. He says, “I stand behind this. Problem? Contact me.”

• What was missing? Bean’s signature. Not a phony-baloney computer font signature, but rather the guy’s real scrawl.

• “Your signature is your handshake.” —Malcolm Decker, Freelancer.


• Alas, this past year L.L. Bean was forced to rescind this splendid promise because of sleaze-ball serial multi-returners.


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Word Count: 400

Note to Readers:  
May I send you an alert when each new blog is posted? If so, kindly give me the okay by sending your First Name, Last Name and e-mail to dennyhatch@yahoo.com. I guarantee your personal information will not be shared with anyone at any time for any reason. I look forward to being in touch!

Invitation to Marketers and Direct Marketers: Guest blog posts are welcome. 
If you have a marketing story to tell, case history, concept to propose or a memoir, give a shout. I’ll get right back to you. (Kindly stay within the limit of 500 words.) I am: dennyhatch@yahoo.com • 215-644-9526 (rings on my desk).

You Are Invited to Join the Discussion!
Note: In order to Comment you must be recognized as a real person. If you are having difficulty posting a Comment, sign up for a Google account.

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

#11 Writers! 19 Simple Rules for Creating READABLE Copy


Issue #11 —Wednesday, June 19, 2018

Posted by Denny Hatch


         Writers! 19 Simple Rules for Creating READABLE Copy



Why a Majority of People Can't Read What You Write!

1. “The addictive nature of Web browsing can leave you
    with an attention span of 9 seconds—the same as a goldfish.”
    —Dr. Ted Selker, MIT Media Lab

2. “Currently 45 million Americans are functionally illiterate and cannot read above a fifth grade level.” —Literacy Project Foundation

3. “50% of adults cannot read a book written at an eighth grade level.” —Literacy Project Foundation

4. “Lookers are shoppers. Readers are buyers. Engage your prospect through reading and you’re on your way to a sale.” 
    —Malcolm Decker, Freelancer

5.  Communications coins of the realm today are:
• The 160-character text (81% of Americans text regularly according to Pew Research).

• The 280 character tweet, employed by 336 million active Twitter users who send 500million tweets a day.



6. People will read your copy only if it is broken up into bite-sized paragraphs à la Tweets and texts.

7. “Avoid gray walls of type.” —David Ogilvy, Advertising legend
          Atlantic                NY Times Magazine                  New Yorker

8. “Neatness rejects involvement.” —Lew Smith, Agency EVP

9. It is imperative to keep the reader’s eye moving.

10. Ugly works!” —Seattle Marketing guru Bob Hacker



A conspicuously ugly ad by Fred Breismeister, Greystone Press. Note the hand holding the bottom of the book. Fingers move the eye up to the “FREE” arrow and burst: “Yes… Take it FREE!” Ugly stuff. But these devices giddily move the eye around. In the last century, Greystone sold gazillions of books!

11. "An ingenious sequence of boldly displayed crossheds (mini-headlines) can deliver the substance of your entire pitch to glancers who are too lazy to wade through the text." —David Ogilvy

(Note Breismeister's cross-heds/mini-headlines breaking up the two bottom left columns above.)

12. "After two or three inches of copy
 insert your first boldface crosshead—or mini-headline/sub-hed—and thereafter pepper mini-headlines throughout. These mini-headlines should be the same size and font as text, but centered—either underlined or in boldface." 
   —David Ogilvy


14. “Type smaller than 9-point is difficult for most people to read.”
       —David Ogilvy

15. “Never use text reversed out of a dark color or a busy background.” —Ed Elliott, Designer

16. Online readability means line widths should be 50 to 75 characters including spaces. —Christian Holst, Baymard Institute

17. Use black type—never gray or pastels in text or headlines.

18. No sentence longer than 28 words—ever!

19. Short words!
 Short sentences! Short paragraphs!
       —Andrew J. Byrne, Freelancer

What have I left out? If you have additional rules, please initiate and join the discussion below. —DH

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Word Count: 439


Note to Readers:  
May I send you an alert when each new blog is posted? If so, kindly give me the okay by sending your First Name, Last Name and e-mail to dennyhatch@yahoo.com. I guarantee your personal information will not be shared with anyone at any time for any reason. I look forward to being in touch!

Invitation to Marketers and Direct Marketers: Guest blog posts are welcome. 
If you have a marketing story to tell, case history, concept to propose or a memoir, give a shout. I’ll get right back to you. (Kindly stay within the limit of 500 words.) I am: dennyhatch@yahoo.com • 215-644-9526 (rings on my desk).

You Are Invited to Join the Discussion!

Note: In order to Comment you must be recognized as a real person. If you are having difficulty posting a Comment, sign up for a Google account.