Tuesday, November 12, 2019

#75 Great Condé Nast Blow-in Pissing Match

Issue #75 – Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Posted by Denny Hatch

The Great Condé Nast 
Blow-in Pissing Match


Magazine Circulation Blow-in/Bind-in Cards

Last week I received this email from a subscriber.

     Hi Denny,
     Question:
     I subscribe to about a dozen magazines. Science, political (both traditional, liberal and conservative), etc. All of them (except The New Yorker) make heavy, regular use of bound-in and blown-in reply cards—i.e., between three and four postage-paid reply cards in each issue. (I find 'em and remove 'em before reading, as I consider them a nuisance.

During my direct response marketing training and active years in the business, I learned what worked was what was re-used. This implies that the massive waste of paper I describe above must be cost-effective. I find it hard to believe. Do you have any info on the cost-effectiveness of these pesky inserts?
     Keep up the good work.
     As always, my best to you and Peg!! 
             David Garber
             Former Executive Director
             U.S. Curling Association
 

The Short Answer on Blow-ins
Hey, David,
     Let's say the average subscriber renews for six years and spends $200 on subscriptions. During that time advertisers spend $300 to reach him. And other marketers spend $100 to rent his name to send him promotions. The lifetime value of that subscriber is $600.
     And let's say the cost of printing and blowing in 4 cards is 4¢ plus an additional 65¢ to the Post Office for the Reply Mail.
     Thus spending 69¢ to bring in a $600 customer means blow-ins are hugely profitable.
The Long Answer
Lemme tell you the story of the delicious war I declared on Condé Nast, The New Yorker and a fatuous writer named Calvin "Bud" Trillin.
     Trillin—a scribe who specialized in food and trivia—decided that bound-in and blow-in subscription cards in magazines were a pain in the ass. He wrote a piece for King Features Syndicate (which served hundreds of newspapers) in which he suggested magazine readers should:
     • Collect these cards.
     • Scribble a short note wishing everybody well.
     • Drop them in the nearest mailbox.
     • It cost the reader nothing because they were all postage paid.
     • The magazine publisher was forced to pony up 28¢ return postage for each card.
     • This was financial punishment of magazines for including these infernal nuisances.

Gratifying Media Coverage
"I've been gratified by the response to my suggestion that those subscription cards that are always falling out of magazines be used to write encouraging notes to the magazine's employees...  If the magazine is thoughtful enough to provide the postage -- almost all of the cards say right on them 'No Postage Necessary if Mailed in the United States' -- the least we can do is write 'Keep up the good work, Circulation Fulfillment people' on the card and drop it in the mail. There's no need to subscribe."
Calvin Trillin, The Stamford [CT] Advocate, May 19, 1987

     This was the follow-up to a long piece via King Features Syndicate—titled "Show 'em You Care"—that not only suggested trashing magazine business reply mail, but also that of financial services and collectibles as well.
     In addition, Trillin laid this idea on millions of viewers watching the Johnny Carson Show.
     What Trillin, age 52, revealed was a very sick mind—the same brat mentality of the adolescent computer hackers who created Trojan horse programs, causing hard disks to crash with an "Arf! Arf! Gotcha!" appearing on the screen.
     Trillin was more dangerous.
     He was a suicide bomber planting IEDs  throughout the industry that was making him rich.
     While these mischievous columns appeared in newspapers all across the U.S., his reputation was firmly grounded in his work for Condé Nast and The New Yorker.
     This was where to go after him!

My Response
Below is my letter to Trillin that I published in my newsletter:

Dear Buddy,

There was a time when we were in the Army together when you were very kind to me -- when I was going through a painful separation with my wife. I have never forgotten your many kindnesses.

I have not really read much of your writing; I'm not terribly interested in getting laid in a car wash or the quality of ribs in Kansas City.

But with your syndicated column, "Show 'em You Care," in which you suggest people write nice little messages on bind-in and blow-in cards and drop them in the mail...

  ...thus costing magazines a lot of postage-due money...
  ...you've really stepped in it, buster.

Ann Landers and Dear Abby preach this nonsense... and the direct marketing community has been powerless to do anything but write indignant letters.

In this case we can do something.


I am the editor and publisher of a newsletter that goes to 1700 direct marketing professionals. In my next issue, I am going to report on your column... and then urge every single one of my subscribers to beg, borrow and steal New Yorker blow-ins and bind-ins for the next 10 weeks -- from newsstands, doctors' offices, reception rooms, airlines, coffee tables -- as well as BREs from your direct mail campaign...


     ... and then write on them: "Calvin Trillin says hello" ... and have them drop these things in the mail (postage free, natch).


Two cards a week x 10 weeks x 1700 subscribers is 34,000 reply cards x 28¢ return postage each equals $9,520 in postage alone.


Why stop with The New Yorker? Let's go after the entire Newhouse chain: Vogue. House & Garden. Vanity Fair. Glamour. Self. Gourmet. Mademoiselle!

Further. I am going to encourage my colleagues at Direct Marketing Magazine and DM News to urge their readers to do the same.

     You Goddamned idiot.

                          Denison Hatch

Cc: S.I. Newhouse, Jr. 
    Arlene Corbett, Circulation Manager, The New Yorker
 
The Response Was Startling!
The direct marketing industry rallied to the cause!
     DM NEWS (circulation 35,000) reported on my letter. Direct Marketing magazine (circulation 19,000) ran my Trillin column virtually without comment in the July issue.
     For openers, readers assured me that The New Yorker circulation department was receiving a lot of warm wishes from Calvin Trillin.
     A number of readers wrote and called with some really fiendish ideas that I dared not reprint. Our consulting editor, Bob Scott (a loyal New Yorker subscriber), took me to task for fighting fire with gasoline.
     Scott, as well as Bob Sabloff, suggested a campaign by the direct marketing community to try to persuade advertisers to boycott the Condé Nast group.
     Michael P. Spinella of Handley-Wood, Inc. suggested that a "panel of publishing professionals sit down with Mr. Trillin and discuss the issue seriously. Without name-calling or threats, perhaps he could be 'educated.' “Perhaps, if he is a reasonable man, he would even consider publicly withdrawing his proposal. Has anyone tried this approach?"
     Freelancer Bob Matheo was "sick-and-tired of magazines overflowing with bind-ins and blow-ins." Matheo's solution: bind-ins and blow-ins should require stamps. Ken Mitnick of Business PassCards said there oughtta be a law—and the Direct Marketing Association should lobby for it making the trashing of business reply mail—and the promoting of it—a crime. (Just as it’s a crime to destroy U.S. currency.)
     Nancy Corey wrote a long, motherly letter to Trillin. Florida freelancer Tony Arau wrote to The New Yorker's new editor, Bob Gottlieb, saying Trillin shot himself in the foot. Gottlieb agreed, but added that since the piece appeared elsewhere, it was not his place to chide Trillin for it.
     Others suggested that hundreds of subscriptions be taken out in Trillin's name, so that he would be inundated with publications and dunning notices.
     (I was uncomfortable with Trillin receiving unsolicited magazines and dunning notices. This would give him more to write about. The only thing that might make Trillin heel would be a naked assault on Condé Nast profits.)
     I also received a number of calls and letters from subscribers with the discouraging news that the percentage of their own—or clients'— trashed Business Reply Mail has risen geometrically—from 10% two months ago to as high as 40% and 50% currently.
     Here’s a sample:

MERIT COMMUNICATIONS INC.
9100 White Chimney Lane • Great Falls, VA 22066 • (703) 759-3004


                                          June 22, 1987
Mr. Calvin Trillin
The New Yorker
25 West 43rd Street
New York, NY 10036

Dear Mr. Trillin:

     I publish a newsletter, the Private Placement Advisory, and the only way I can find subscribers is through direct mail.  To make ordering convenient I supply business reply envelopes in all the mailings.

     It’s expensive to get subscriptions by direct mail.  I pay about 50 cents for each piece mailed out.  At that total cost – for the printing, postage, artwork and list of names – I am very careful about the people I try to contact.

     Every day I go to the Great Falls post office with my checkbook to pay for incoming business reply mail. Each envelope coming back to me costs another 45 cents.

     Every day, more than half the envelopes are stuffed with the hate mail that you believe is so clever.

     My publication may not survive the stupidity that you promote.  Other specialized publications probably face the same struggle.  Direct mail to carefully chosen lists is the only way to assemble and audience for special topics. Reader’s Digest will find a way to survive your hate campaign, but the small presses of America may not.

                                      Sincerely,
                                      /s/ David Gump
                                      David Gump
                                      Publisher

According to my sources, many thousands of trashed Condé Nast blow-ins and bind-ins were landing in the mail room at great expense.

A Newhouse Calls

Jonathan Newhouse

At some point I received a call from Jonathan Newhouse, the son of S.I. Newhouse, magazine magnate and owner of Condé Nast. Jonathan was viewed by many as the equivalent of Donald Trump, Jr. back in that era.
     "I am as unhappy about what Trillin said as you are,” Jonathan whined. “He's a very independent fellow, and we can't control what he says."
      Newhouse went on to say that if people started acting on what is suggested in my letter, it would have no effect on Trillin, and it would cost his organization a lot of money.
     “Okay,” I said. “Then fire the son of a bitch and don’t let him write for any Condé Nast publication—ever!”
     “I couldn’t do that.”
     I hung up on the little weasel.
    
On May 21st Newhouse sent to our booth on New York Direct Marketing Day a drop-dead gorgeous blonde from Condé Nast’s circulation department to try and talk me into calling off the dogs.

Trillin Did a Donald Trump and Doubled Down
On July 1st, Trillin published another syndicated column in which he called our industry "junk marketing”... sneered at DM News for criticizing him… and ended with:

"I realized that circulation fulfillment people who read DM News would think I had been using them. They'd all be terribly hurt. Fortunately, when that realization struck me, I was on an airplane. I hurried back to the magazine rack and removed the subscription cards from every magazine whose circulation fulfillment people I'd written before— Vogue, The New Yorker, U.S. News, Time, GQ, Esquire. I wrote the same message on every card: 'Whatever you read to the contrary, I sincerely meant what I said.' When we landed, I dropped all the cards into the mailbox. I felt a lot better."

What in the world was Trillin up to? With his King Features connection he was no longer dependent on The New Yorker for income. One possibility: these destructive columns represented a vendetta against Si Newhouse for summarily firing Trillin's friend and mentor, long-time New Yorker editor William Shawn.

Eventually the brouhaha wound down and life went on.
      The entire caper was a hoot.

Takeaways to Consider

• I never found out how much financial damage I did to Condé Nast. I assume it was five figures—maybe even six.

• The only winner was the USPS who raked in some windfall postage payments.

• Never underestimate the power of a letter.

• "Of all the formats used in direct mail, none has more power to generate action than the letter."
—Dick Hodgson

• The happiest days of my career were when I was (1) writing my three novels and (2) publishing and editing the cranky newsletter, WHO'S MAILING WHAT! 

BTW, the three novels are:




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Word count: 2013



At age 15, Denny Hatch—as a lowly apprentice—wrote his first news release for a Connecticut summer theater. To his astonishment it ran verbatim in The Middletown Press. He was instantly hooked on writing. After a two-year stint in the U.S. Army (1958-60), Denny had nine jobs in his first 12 years in business. He was fired from five of them and went on to save two businesses and start three others. One of his businesses—WHO’S MAILING WHAT! newsletter and archive service founded in 1984—revolutionized the science of how to measure the success of competitors’ direct mail. In the past 55 years he has been a book club director, magazine publisher, advertising copywriter/designer, editor, journalist and marketing consultant. He is the author of four published novels and seven books on business and marketing.

CONTACT

dennyhatch@yahoo.com

Note to Readers:  
May I send you an alert when each new blog is posted? If so, kindly give me the okay by sending your First Name, Last Name and e-mail to dennyhatch@yahoo.com. I guarantee your personal information will not be shared with anyone at any time for any reason. I look forward to being in touch!


IF YOU HAVE TROUBLE POSTING A COMMENT… Write Me!
Google owns Blogspot.com and this Comment Section. If you do not have a Google account, contact me directly and I will happily post your comment with a note that this is per your request. Thank you and do keep in touch.  dennyhatch@yahoo.com

Invitation to Marketers and Direct Marketers: 
Guest Blog Posts Are Welcome. 
If you have a marketing story to tell, case history, concept to propose or a memoir, give a shout. I’ll get right back to you. I am: dennyhatch@yahoo.com

You Are Invited to Join the Discussion!

Wednesday, November 6, 2019

#74 Ugly Works!

Issue #74 – Wednesday, November 6, 2019
Posted by Denny Hatch

"UGLY WORKS!" 
—Bob Hacker Seattle Marketing Guru 




Note the hand holding the bottom of the book, the arrow screaming “FREE” and the burst, “Yes… Take it FREE!” This thing moves the eye all over the place.
     If the reader’s mind drifts off message, there’s always something up ahead—or to one side—to catch the eye and refocus attention. 
    This is an offer to receive the first volume of a set of books—FREE!
     The book is really FREE. No cost. No risk. No obligation. Yours to keep forever, no matter what you decide about the rest of the books.

     In the 15 years I published, edited and wrote WHO’S MAILING WHAT! roughly 3,000 mailings a month passed through my fingers. Many were duplicates. Some were from minor fringe players.      
     But generally the monthly archive listed an average of 2,000 mailings in 193 categories.

     I saw hundreds of offers like this one—persuading readers, listeners and viewers to join a club or program to collect books, records, CDs, movies and audiotapes.

     The above full-page ad is truly the ugliest, busiest copy and design I ever saw in all my years reporting on junk mail.

     I love it! 
The Technique: Interrupt and Keep 
Interrupting Until Action Is Taken. 
“Neatness rejects involvement,” proclaimed my great mentor, Lew Smith, who went on to become EVP of the Wunderman Agency and Lester Wunderman’s right-hand man.
     If an advertisement, a letter, a special report, a memo or an article is too neat, Lew explained, it is not visually involving. It’s up to the author (and designer) to break the monotony.

     “Ugly works,” said Seattle direct marketing wizard Bob Hacker. It is the explanation why direct marketing copy and design are generally ugly and why they work.

     Above is a full-page ad for a now-forgotten set of books—The Made Simple Self-Teaching Library—published by Greystone Books in the late 20th century.
     This ad—the apotheosis of ugly, ugly, ugly—is the work of Greystone’s creative director, Fred Breismeister.

     Hold your nose.

     Sneer at it.

     But Breismeister’s wild wizardry made Greystone’s owner, John Stevenson, a millionaire many times over.


Too Often an Untrained Creative Team Flouts
Direct Marketing Rules and Goes Neat-‘n’-Tidy.



This plain-Jane, consummately boring little self-mailer arrived amidst a postbox full of glitzy, glorious catalogs, sale news from Costco and our favorite magazine, Majesty.

     Audible—an Amazon Company—sells a subscription to audio books. The mailing elements:

    • Three 5”x7” folded panels (6 pages front-and-back)

    • A total of 267 words.

    • Teeny Illustrations

    • Mini-mouse-type makes it difficult to read. Here’s a sample, full size:


The Rest of the Little Self-mailer
                              Panel #3                                      Panel #4
                             Panel #3                          Panel #5                                        Panel #6
How Come I Noticed This Sad Sack Self-mailer?
It Breaks a Cardinal Rule of Direct Marketing! 

"Always make it easy to order."
—Elsworth Howell, Proprietor of Howell Book House


If the prospect cannot figure out how to place the order, the effort will bomb.

     Period.

     I read and re-read the damn thing four times and could not figure out how to place an order.

     Finally… FINALLY! I found the answer as a very cleverly concealed afterthought in mouse-type running across the bottom.



If it breaks this basic rule of direct marketing—print ads, mail, digital, broadcast and telephone—what other rules did it break?

      It didn’t take long to realize I had hit the jackpot of broken rules!


Here Are Four Huge Winners
In Clubs and Continuity Series



These 4 mailings are Grand Controls by marketers of books, records, CDs, DVDs, Movies and Audio Books—received over 3 or more consecutive years.   

     The little handwritten squiggles are the dates received over the years.


All grand controls are the result of millions of dollars spent on testing by the smartest and most successful companies, agents and creatives in direct marketing.
What has been tested over many years?
• Offers
• Prices
• Copy Approaches
• Headlines
• Order Devices
• Letters
• Brochures
• Lift Pieces (Little goodies that “lift” response).

Quite simply, the Amazon/Audible mailing doesn’t faintly resemble the proven winners in terms of interruptive design, offers, prices or copy. 
     All 43 Grand Controls in my clubs and continuity series category are full-dress direct mail packages. They contain long letters, brochures, myriad illustrations, slews of premiums, features and benefits and easy peasy obvious order mechanisms.
     And with the hidden mouse-type order information, this silly rogue effort is ipso facto a loser.

Direct Marketing Rules Not to Be Broken
• “Ugly works!”

• “Neatness rejects involvement.”

• "Avoid gray walls of type." —David Ogilvy.

• “Make it easy to order.”

• Interrupt and keep on interrupting until a decision is made.

• “If you want to dramatically increase your response, dramatically improve your offer.   —Axel Andersson

• “It’s the offer, stupid!” —Bob Hacker

• A club or continuity series is a complicated offer consisting of up-front premiums, announcements, rejection correspondence, bonus products (“Get a Free audio book with every 4 you buy!”), etc., etc.

• The idea that Amazon’s audible attempt to create excitement, understanding and new business for a complex product or service using a small, 6-panel self-mailer with a total of 267 words with tiny illustrations, mouse-type copy and no order device is preposterous!

•  The way to be successful in direct marketing is seeing:
     — Who’s marketing what, where and how…
     —In print, digital, broadcast, direct mail, space ads, telemarketing, social media, etc.

• Study those promotions, prices, copy platforms, headlines, features and benefits and offers you see over and over again and then...

“STEAL SMART!”
     —Dorothy Kerr, U.S. News & World Report.

• “There are two rules and two rules only in direct marketing.
     Rule #1: Test Everything.
     Rule #2: See Rule #1.
     —Malcolm Decker

• Ed Mayer’s Corollary: “Don’t test whispers.”
   Don’t test $49.95 vs. $59.95 or blue background vs. pink background.
   Go for breakthroughs.

•  If you haven’t seen this Special Report, it’s yours FREE. Email me and I’ll be glad to send you the link.  dennyhatch@yahoo.com







P.S. NOTE TO DIRECT MARKETERS: Planning a direct marketing campaign for a product or service in the areas of consumer, business or non-profit? I can put you in touch with the world’s leading expert—the guy who knows more about what has worked over the past 40 years in 197 categories. Don't tell me what you are planning. Just tell me you’d like to get in touch with this guy and I will forward him your info. dennyhatch@yahoo.com


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Word count: 983



At age 15, Denny Hatch—as a lowly apprentice—wrote his first news release for a Connecticut summer theater. To his astonishment it ran verbatim in The Middletown Press. He was instantly hooked on writing. After a two-year stint in the U.S. Army (1958-60), Denny had nine jobs in his first 12 years in business. He was fired from five of them and went on to save two businesses and start three others. One of his businesses—WHO’S MAILING WHAT! newsletter and archive service founded in 1984—revolutionized the science of how to measure the success of competitors’ direct mail. In the past 55 years he has been a book club director, magazine publisher, advertising copywriter/designer, editor, journalist and marketing consultant. He is the author of four published novels and seven books on business and marketing.

CONTACT

dennyhatch@yahoo.com

Note to Readers:  
May I send you an alert when each new blog is posted? If so, kindly give me the okay by sending your First Name, Last Name and e-mail to dennyhatch@yahoo.com. I guarantee your personal information will not be shared with anyone at any time for any reason. I look forward to being in touch!


IF YOU HAVE TROUBLE POSTING A COMMENT… Write Me!
Google owns Blogspot.com and this Comment Section. If you do not have a Google account, contact me directly and I will happily post your comment with a note that this is per your request. Thank you and do keep in touch.  dennyhatch@yahoo.com

Invitation to Marketers and Direct Marketers: 
Guest Blog Posts Are Welcome. 
If you have a marketing story to tell, case history, concept to propose or a memoir, give a shout. I’ll get right back to you. I am: dennyhatch@yahoo.com

You Are Invited to Join the Discussion!