Issue #69 — Tuesday, September 10, 2019
http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2019/09/69-suddenly-jeff-bezos-dropped.html
http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2019/09/69-suddenly-jeff-bezos-dropped.html
Posted by Denny Hatch
Suddenly Jeff
Bezos Dropped the Ball—Bigtime!
Over the past 25
years I have spent thousands of dollars with Amazon—for pre-Kindle books, Kindle books as
well as other stuff.
Recently I ordered replacement blades for
my trusty old Phillips Norelco 8240XL electric shaver. I have had two or three of
these little wonders over the years. They have always given me painless close
shaves quickly and efficiently.
Every six months to a year I have ordered replacement
blades from Amazon. In the past I have always been satisfied with Amazon
service—good blades delivered within a day or two with free (Amazon √Prime)
postage.
Recent
Unpleasantness
This past summer I inserted new blades and
discovered the smoothness was not there. The replacements were rough on my
face, pulling on individual hairs and failing to give the really close shave I
was used to.
I figured it was my old machine getting
used to the new blades and everything would soon smooth out. The discomfort
continued for several months. I walked around with perpetual stubble. I toughed
it out.
From The
Wall Street Journal, August 23, 2019
Just like tech companies that have struggled to tackle
misinformation on their platforms, Amazon has proven unable or unwilling to
effectively police third-party sellers on its site.
Many of the millions
of people who shop on Amazon.com see it as if it were an American big-box
store, a retailer with goods deemed safe enough for customers.
In practice, Amazon has increasingly
evolved like a flea market. It exercises limited oversight over items listed by
millions of third-party sellers, many of them anonymous, many in China, some
offering scant information.
A Wall Street Journal investigation found
4,152 items for sale on Amazon.com
Inc.’s site that have been declared unsafe by federal agencies, are deceptively
labeled or are banned by federal regulators—items that big-box retailers’
policies would bar from their shelves. Among those items, at least 2,000
listings for toys and medications lacked warnings about health risks to
children.
If Wall Street Journal’s story is accurate,
Amazon no longer guarantees the authenticity of is merchandise.
Amazon Is Now Following
the Sad-Sack eBay Model
All I
want is my Phillips Norelco razor to work like always. I expect to pay full price
for Phillips Norelco replacement heads.
I do not want to get involved with
counterfeits, counterfeit claims or “what to do when you open a dispute.”
So what the hell did I order? What Amazon
sent me were obviously not Phillips Norelco replacement blades.
I went back on the Amazon site for a
closer look and found a shopper’s worst nightmare. I was being offered dozens
of different sets of replacement blades.
In the words of my late colleague, Paul
Goldberg:
“Confuse
‘em,
Ya lose ‘em.”
Being forced to plow though all these
Amazon mouse type ads from counterfeiters—many of them no doubt paying Chinese
slaves 44¢ an hour for 15-hour days to manufacture cheapsy-weepsy face-pinching
sleaze made my blood boil.
A Visit to
the Phillips Norelco Website
Alas, Phillips Norelco sells nothing
direct from its homepage. The message:
Buy
this product at:
I absolutely no
longer trust Amazon.
Jeff Bezos—the
world’s richest man—has reportedly thrown up his hands and turned his amazin’
Amazon multi-billion dollar cash cow over to a bunch of giddy, greedy money-grubbing hustlers
who will sell anything from anybody so long as they get a piece of the action.
For example: here are two randomly
selected ads—among dozens on the Amazon website—for my replacement blades:
These two ads use illustrations of iconic Phillips Norelco elements—an authentic blue box and the head of a shaver like mine. But there's no guarantee the replacement blades being offered are made by Phillips Norelco.
Advice to
Bezos: You’re a Damned Fool to Allow
Untrained
Underlings to Wreck Your Business!
On this repeat shopping
expedition I spent a long, long time on Amazon looking for real, Honest-to-God
Phillips Norelco replacement blades.
Bezos could have closed the sale quickly
and easily if…
… He Had
Included This Little Ad I Wrote and Designed.
I included four
Unique Selling Propositions (USPs).
These set authentic replacement blades
apart from all the other junk featured on the Amazon website:
1.
Official
The Phillips Norelco logo.
2.
A GUARANTEE
these are real Phillips Norelco blades.
3.
My specific
shaver number is shown: 8240XL. This ad is talking directly to me.
4.
The
product is Personally Guaranteed by Jeff Bezos.
Takeaways
to Consider
• Always include
a Guarantee of absolute satisfaction for a product or service.
• Benjamin
Franklin used direct mail to sell his scientific and academic library in 1744.
It was Franklin who created the very first mail order guarantee:
“Those persons who live remote, by sending their
orders and money to said B. Franklin, may depend on the same justice as if
present.”
• A real
person in authority should sign the guarantee and be the company spokesperson.
• The Greatest Customer Guarantee—Ever!
• Alas, rip-off artists forced the end of
Bean’s Guarantee.
A Letter to Our Customers,
Since 1912, our mission has been to sell
high-quality products that inspire and enable people to enjoy the outdoors. Our
commitment to customer service has earned us your trust and respect, as has our
guarantee, which ensures that we stand behind everything we sell.
Increasingly, a small, but growing number of
customers has been interpreting our guarantee well beyond its original intent.
Some view it as a lifetime product replacement program, expecting refunds for
heavily worn products used over many years. Others seek refunds for products
that have been purchased through third parties, such as at yard sales.
Based on these experiences, we have updated our
policy. Customers will have one year after purchasing an item to return it,
accompanied by proof of purchase. After one year, we will work with our
customers to reach a fair solution if a product is defective in any way.
— Shawn O. Gorman, Feb. 18, 2018
L.L.Bean Executive Chairman
• What Was I Thinking???
Below is the first ad I wrote and designed for Amazon. It was lousy.
Below is the first ad I wrote and designed for Amazon. It was lousy.
• The first
version of my ad had Amazon signing the Guarantee.
• “Two basic tenets of selling are that (1) people buy from other people
more happily than from faceless corporations, and that (2) in the marketplace
as in theater, there is indeed a factor at work called “the willing suspension
of disbelief.
“Who stands behind our
pancakes? Aunt Jemima. Our angel food cake? Betty Crocker. Our coffee? Juan
Valdez. Anyone over the age of three
knows that it’s all myth. But like Santa Claus and the tooth fairy, the myths
are comforting.”
—Bill Jayme,
Freelancer
• In the most
recent count, Amazon has 647,500 employees. Telling the customer a promise of
complete satisfaction is being guaranteed by over a half million men and women—from
pickers-‘n’-packers all the way up to copywriters, VPs and executives—is
preposterous.
• In a giant corporation, only one person can
guarantee satisfaction and take the heat:
—At Apple: Tim Cook.
—At Microsoft: Bill Gates.
—AT J.P. Morgan/Chase: Jamie Dimon.
—At Amazon: Jeff Bezos.
Everybody else in the company is a cipher,
a zip, a nobody.
• Use the person's real signature (if it's readable). Don't use a tidy, obviously fake computerized version.
• "The signature is your salesman's handshake."
—Malcolm Decker, Entrepreneur, Freelancer
• Use the person's real signature (if it's readable). Don't use a tidy, obviously fake computerized version.
• "The signature is your salesman's handshake."
—Malcolm Decker, Entrepreneur, Freelancer
P.S. In researching this post, I stumbled across the Phillips
Norelco S9000 Prestige.
How could I know Amazon was selling the
real deal? An American entrepreneur can hire a Chinese company to manufacture a
product and chances are they will set up a duplicate production facility across
town, manufacture your product and start selling it around the world before you take
delivery here in the States.
What’s Amazon Good for?
Okay, I’ll buy
Kindle books from Amazon. They cannot be counterfeited. But little else.
I no longer trust the bastards.
I no longer trust the bastards.
Even though we are pensioners, Peggy and I rented an Enterprise Car Share
Kia for a trip to Best Buy for my new shaver. It is a
dream!
I paid considerably more (plus car rental),
but I know it’s the real deal!
In Peggy's immortal words: "Wow! Your face is as soft as a baby's bottom!
In Peggy's immortal words: "Wow! Your face is as soft as a baby's bottom!
###
Word count: 1,320
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You Are Invited to Join the Discussion!
Thought provoking & well written article. Thanks for sharing your story, solution, and throwing humanizing stones.
ReplyDeleteMany thanks for taking the time to comment and for your kind words. Do keep in touch. Cheers. —DH
DeleteDenny - I also am a Prime member. And I have returned many items - just returned a shirt yesterday.
ReplyDeleteI could be mistaken, but I thought Amazon accepted returns within the first 30 days on just about everything they sell.
You provided a great solution - one that could have us all TRUSTING Amazon.
On Sunday I had a similar experience. Different website: HotWire.com. We scored a 4-star hotel in Atlanta for $123 a night.
The website failed to disclose overnight parking fees of $20 / night AND more importantly "Taxes and Fees" to the tune of $42 / night. An additional $126.
After clicking the "reserve my hotel" button, I received the invoice with the undisclosed additional $126 added to my credit card. I immediately called and attempted to cancel. They told me "no cancellations."
That's okay - they don't know I have in-house counsel and I'm planning on being the lead plaintiff in a class-action suit against them. They messed with the wrong guy...
Excellent.
DeleteThanks for taking the time to comment. Do keep in touch!
DeleteHey Will Ezell…
DeleteCome off it!
This is NOT about returns privileges. This is about trying to get 3 effing replacement blades for an old shaver—same as I have for years.
I am not interested in opening an Amazon package, inserting new blades and having my razor chew up my face. And then going through the hassle of returning the blades for different ones only to get more blades that will chew up my face.
I am not interested in dealing with counterfeit merchandise. Not interested in talking to my “in-house counsel” for chrissakes over what should be a very simple, lo-end transaction.
Bezos’ team of un-mentored and un-trained l’il hotshots is screwing with me while l’il Jeffy is off schtupping his new honey on his new $400 million mega yacht.
https://www.esquireme.com/content/37651-jeff-bezos-under-fire-for-buying-new-400-million-dollar-mega-yacht
If I sound pissed, I am.
Hi Denny - Great article as always - thank you...
DeleteTwo illuminating points you raise in your article:
1) 'People buy from people and not faceless corporations' - amen to that.
2) Too many choices = no choice made by your prospect = lost sale.
3) Propoer guarantees such as yours inspire confidence - one of my products had a 2-year guarantee and refunds were almost zero (you always had one or two refunding after 23 months and 29 days, but many more stayed/decided to buy because of it).
Sorry to hear about your razor woes. For us Brits, and many people around the world, THE most famous razor ad of all time (and the first I remembered as a kid in the 1970s) was Victor Kiam's legenday Remington Microscreen and his amazing guarantee: "Shaves As Close As A Blade, Or Your Money Back!"
Best wishes Nick from The U.K.
Denny, you're absolutely right. In fact, in litigation, Amazon has taken the position that it isn't a seller of most items, but merely a "platform" through which its vendors sell, and therefore not responsible for their defective, counterfeit or fraudulently marketed products. Like you say, Amazon asserts it is just like a flea market, where the land owner is not responsible for the behavior of the sellers who rent a space.
ReplyDeleteI now limit myself to buying books and a few other things on Amazon. I do not trust Amazon for foodstuffs, both human or catfood. Certainly not for OTC medicine. And not for any purchase of substantial value.
One thing your article did not mention is that many of the instruction sheets are in unreadable sans-serif micro-type, and appear to have been badly translated from Chinese to English by special needs children dyslectic in English, Chinese or both.
Standing by the quality of the product seems to have left us. Too many fine names rest on their laurels and deliver defective goods. Yet in the shaving business, Harry's has offered high quality razors and supplies at fair prices. If ever you change your mind about electric shavers, consider them. Unfortunately, Amazon has lost focus in our household; way too big unless one is purchasing an items in which high quality doesn't matter.
ReplyDeleteGreat comment!
DeleteYou brought forward something that’s been in the back of my mind for a long time—the problem of instructions/directions for use of a product. This is something I need to focus on and create a blog post. Not only the format—sans serif mousetype—but also the piss-poor writing. I believe a seriously neglected position in world of businesses is that of copywriter. Not only a people who write selling and P.R. copy, but also can take instructions out of the hands of techies and turn them into readable English. (I don’t speak any foreign languages, but I would bet this is a problem in France, Germany, Sweden, Iran, etc. etc.)
Would you be interested in tackling a guest post on this? Find some really crappy, unreadable instructions and show what the edits should be made so the user can be a happy user.
Example: on my stunning new Phillips Norelco S9000 Prestige electric shaver, I could not figure out how — and how often — to clean the cut whiskers out of it. I Googled the question and up came some short, quick l’il videos that show how to pull the rotary heads up and run a strong stream of water through the top and over the bottom. Not every buyer has access to a computer or YouTube or has YouTube knowhow to learn about this stuff.
This is obviously something you care about. I do too. And it’s essential to clearly show how a product is to be used in the instructions. Otherwise a user could bust the item or get frustrated and send it back for a refund.
Do keep in touch.
And thank you again.
Cheers.
NOTE: THE REPLY/COMMENT SYSTEM IN THIS POST SEEMS TO HAVE GOTTEN SCREWED UP. DUNNO HOW TO FIX THIS.THIS IS A REPLY TO: Jeffrey Write & Shoot.
DeleteJeffrey,
Thanks for writing. Harry’s is not in the cards for me. Many years ago on a small, long-forgotten Greek island when I was using razors and blades—something bad got into my shaving mixture and my face turned into a patch of painful red raspberries. Couldn’t shave at all. When I got home, I bought an electric shaver and haven’t looked back.
Damn shame what’s happening to Amazon. Good for old time direct marketers (especially veterans of Direct Mail) who know the key to business is “Make it easy to order.”
Do keep in touch.
Great post. Thank you. Glad to see proven timeless concepts still being taught amidst all the nonsense and 'let's just make it up as we go'/'hastily throw something at the wall and see if it sticks' mindset that seems to be taking over. One quick question, tho - what makes you so certain Kindle books can't be counterfeit? Given what's going on with Audible/captions + sloppy third-party print books - combined with Amazon's size, greatly diversified business and what appears to be a focus on profit by whatever means necessary - what gives you confidence that Kindle editions are and will remain authentic? (Apologies for run-on sentences; comment written quickly and, obviously, without your professional economy or elegance)
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing.
DeleteYou caught me in a goof. Your line: “What makes you so certain Kindle books can’t be counterfeit?”
In 2012 I came across the Kindle edition of Robert E. Sherwood’s Pulitzer Prize winning Roosevelt and Hopkins: An Intimate Biography. I wrote a review for the Amazon edition calling it one of the greatest books of the 20th century. I ended the review this way: “NOTE: I ordered this on Kindle. It was scanned by not edited. It is filled with typos and occasional gibberish. Do not be deterred, Soldier on.”
It was immediately pulled from publication—obviously a pirated edition.
Oops.
That's too bad. (Although at least back then, the pirated edition was pulled.). I wasn't looking for a retraction or admission of a mistake, thanks. I just wondered if maybe you knew something (that I didn't) that gave you confidence in at least some aspect of Amazon. It's sad to see how the story has unfolded. I was an early customer and loved Amazon for many years but am saddened to see that, once again, ego, empire building and greed have triumphed. Thank you again for your excellent post.
Delete