#200 Blog Post - Wednesday, 28 February 2024
Posted by Denny Hatch
How 59 Major Advertisers Lost a Total of
Over $900 Million on Super Bowl TV Ads.
The Nine Inviolable Rules of Advertising
Compiled by Denny Hatch Over 60 Years.
Rule #1: “The only purpose of advertising is to make sales. It is profitable or unprofitable according to its actual sales.”
—Claude Hopkins, Scientific Advertising
Rule #2: “Your job is to sell, not entertain.”
—Jack Maxson, freelancer, creator of the Brookstone catalog
Rule #3: “If it doesn’t sell, it’s not creative.”
—Credo of Benton and Bowles, Chicago, in the 1930s
Rule #4: “Every time we get creative we lose money.”
—Ed McCabe, president of BMG Music Club
Rule #5: “Beware of humor in advertising. People don’t buy from clowns.” —David Ogilvy
Rule #6: The 7 emotional hot buttons that make people buy: Fear – Greed – Guilt – Anger – Exclusivity – Salvation – Flattery
—Bob Hacker, Axel Anderssen, Denny Hatch
Rule #7: “The prospect doesn’t give a damn about you, your company or your product. All that matters is, ‘What’s in it for me?’”
—Bob Hacker
Rule #8: Always listen to W-I-I FM.
—Direct Marketing Old Saw
Rule #9: “Always make it easy to order.”
—Elsworth Howell, CEO, Grolier Enterprises
Regarding the Lede Illustration.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjLr4bdLPIs
“A pair of lifelike babies play pickleball with a pair of obnoxious adults in need of schooling. One of the few ads whose humor has anything resembling a bite.”
—Mike Hale, New York Times Television Critic
What Was E-Trade Thinking?
The
E-Trade corporate officers who authorized the spending of $7,000,000.00
(plus God only knows how much additional production dough) for the 30-second Super Bowl ads sure-as-hell got their money's worth
of exposure. They reached an estimated 127.3 million viewers.
Yeah, but... How many of this vast audience were convinced and comforted that the folks at E-Trade should be trusted with the financial future of their family’s retirement and the kids’ college expenses? When you Google E-Trade, here’s what comes up:
Could the above oh-so-cutesy-poo Picklebabies @$7-million for a 30-second gag ad persuade Peggy and me to switch our modest lifetime savings from Fidelity to E-Trade?
Not bloody likely.
In other words, what was E-Trade’s ROI?
Zero. Zip. Nada. Niente. Nuttin.
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/11/arts/television/super-bowl-commercials-ads-best-worst.html
Mike Hale, The New York Times Television Critic.
Feb. 11, 2024. Updated Feb. 12, 2024, 11:27 a.m. ET
In the spirit of “Who actually watches the game?,” here is our ranking of Sunday night’s Super Bowl commercials, from best to worst.
Ground rules: Only ads shown on the national CBS broadcast during the game were eligible. Not included are some non-commercial (religious, political, social advocacy) spots and most movie trailers and promos for television and streaming broadcasts.
NOTE by DH: Many of these ads run longer than 30 seconds — thus costing tons more than $7 million. Plus all production costs, corporate and agency salaries, expenses, expense accounts, etc., etc.
The Best
of the Bunch
These are the ones we’ll remember for at least a day or two.
BMW
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfB-glrgn5o
Christopher Walken makes fun of people making fun of Christopher Walken, with a cameo performance by the Super Bowl halftime star Usher. As always, he walks the walk.
Mountain Dew
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAdDi6G74mc
Aubrey Plaza flat-affects her way through life with the help of a carbonated citrus beverage. Plaza is reliably droll, and there’s a late “Parks and Recreation” homage
Squarespace
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xp5v3-3Hc-E
Aliens (a theme in this year’s ads) come to earth and can’t get our attention until they figure out how to get on the internet. It is handsomely directed by Martin Scorsese (working with the “Barbie” cinematographer Rodrigo Prieto), though it’s not at all clear what’s being advertised.
Lindt
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ghDxSkEERE
A chocolate ball bops around the world to the tune of Perry Como’s “Round and Round.” Shiny, bouncy candy.
‘A Quiet Place: Day One’
https://mashable.com/video/a-quiet-place-day-one-super-bowl-ad
Lupita Nyong’o faces an alien invasion in a prequel film to John Krasinski’s “A Quiet Place.” The clear winner among the movie trailers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uK83PRg0Rk
A man with low vision records his life in sharp photographs using a new feature of the Google Pixel. Touching story with a predictable but effective big finish.
Dunkin’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOwR9TIeXTs
A blustery Ben Affleck tries to impress an unimpressed Jennifer Lopez while an embarrassed Matt Damon and enthusiastic Tom Brady look on. Pleasant buzz of star power.
poppi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZin7yVU_1c
Attractive young people in grainy, retro split-screen video try to convince us of the healthy nature of the sodas sold by this Austin, Texas-based beverage company. Visually fizzy.
National Football League
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7glIC7OaIro
A youngster imagines playing American football as he runs through a crowded Ghanaian market accompanied by N.F.L. players, then emerges into an N.F.L. international training program and encounters the former New York Giant Osi Umenyiora. Better ground game than the Chiefs or 49ers.
BetMGM
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=betmgm+super+bowl+commercial+
Vince Vaughn explains that Tom Brady, and only Tom Brady, is not allowed to use the sports betting service because he has already won too much. Vaughn-to-Brady is a winning combination.
We interrupt this blog post to bring you a sample of
what you can expect in the "Also Ran" Categories.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEdk5JzXMs0
The
Perfectly Fine
These get an A for effort and a
B- for execution.
TurboTax
The “Abbott Elementary” star Quinta Brunson tells us (twice) to do our taxes. Brunson is so darn likable that it seems like a good idea.
NYX Cosmetics
Cardi B raps about lip gloss; an accompanying comedy bit about men using Duck Plump to plump something other than their lips was available online but not shown on CBS. The timidity was disappointing but Cardi B is never not funny.
Apartments.com
Aliens come to earth and, naturally, need an apartment. Simple-minded but any scenario benefits from the presence of Jeff Goldblum.
Etsy
America realizes it needs to give France a gift in return for the Statue of Liberty, uses Etsy to send a giant cheese board. Sounds cute, and it is.
Kia
Dad of the year uses his Kia EV9 to light a pop-up ice rink so a young figure skater can perform for her ailing grandfather. (Or at least that’s what it looks like.) High-horsepower tear-jerker.
Coors
The Coors Light train roars across the country to salvage an awkward big-game party. Forward momentum and an amusing five-second LL Cool J cameo.
Volkswagen
The American dream as lived by an immigrant named the Beetle, from 1949 to the present, set to “I Am … I Said.” Herbie goes to Ellis Island.
Doritos
A pair of abuelas named Dina and Mita go into avenger mode when a young guy grabs the last bag of Dinamita chips. Comic action with a brief appearance by Jenna Ortega.
Verizon
Beyoncé, with the help of Tony Hale (in “Veep” mode), tries to break the internet as a saxophonist, cyborg, Barbie, astronaut and Botus. Sorry, BeyHive, but self-referential does not equal super.
Microsoft
Everyday people contemplate the differences that the Copilot A.I. assistant could make in their lives. Evocative and (intentionally?) a little eerie.
STōK Cold Brew
Anthony Hopkins lampoons his own gravitas to sell cold brew coffee as well as promote the Wrexham soccer club. Sir Anthony is in good form but his 2016 spot for TurboTax was funnier.
Inoffensive but Forgettable
They tried. Nobody got hurt.
T-Mobile
Pluto TV
‘IF’
State Farm
Nerds
Budweiser
Salomon
Dove
Try Again
Had some talent involved but the
result sailed wide right.
Booking.com
Starry
CeraVe
‘N.F.L.
Sunday Ticket’
Michelob Ultra
Popeyes
Bass Pro Shops
Mighty Patch
Pringles
Hellmann’s
Veozah
Uber Eats
Snapchat
The Flagrant Missteps
Famous people and millions of dollars that
together can’t quite amount to mediocrity.
M&M’s
CrowdStrike
Pfizer
Bud Light
e.l.f. Cosmetics
Miller Lite
Homes.com
Kawasaki
Sketchers
Reese’s
The Worst of the Bunch
It takes real effort to be this bad.
Oreo
Paramount+
Temu
BodyArmor
Toyota
Drumstick
FanDuel
Takeaway to Consider
Super Bowl Commercials 2024 — @ $7 million pop for 30 seconds of air time (plus production costs and salaries all around) and zero ROI — was a roughly a billion dollar ego trip for Mad. Ave. creative directors and their dumb-ass clients.
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From Bob Hacker, The Hacker Group
ReplyDeleteIf ROI was the issue, there would be no Super Bowl. I am reminded of a blast-from-the-past.
We had a veeeerrryy big direct mail account back in the day. I don’t have permission to reveal them, but trust me, you know them and got very sick seeing our stuff in your mail box.
Our client was getting constant pressure from their general agency. Apparently, the stuff we were doing was not in line with the “brand essence”. The copy was too sales-y. Why did we repeat the offer so many times? The art direction was atrocious, et cetera, ad nauseum, ad infinitum. You can’t fix stupid, so we didn’t try. We gave them an invitation to test any four packages they wanted in our next test round.
They fell for it.
The target cost-per-sale was $95. They knew that going in.
Our best package hit $72 CPS. Second package hit $87 CPS. Last two hovered around $95, so all were good enough to rollout, with two clear winners. The best agency package his $362 CPS. Second best hit $421 CPS. The other two were even worse.
Never heard from them again.
Bob,
DeleteI always love your comments. You are one of the few direct marketers who has a reverence for serious numbers and who loves to share them. This is the heart and soul of our discipline. Thanks for sharing! As Dean Martin used to say, Keep Those Cards and Letters Coming In1" [by Ernest Tubb and Loretta Lynn was written by Harlan Howard and was first released by Johnny & Jonie Mosby in 1964.]
Dear Denny Hatch -- Direct Mail Expert
DeleteYour blog with the headline: #200 Super Bowl Ads
See it at: www.NewsReleaseWire.com/302688
(202) 333-5000
My direct email is: Mitchell.Davis@ExpertClick.com
===========================
DH Reply:
Thank you, Mitch.
Always glad to hear from you and to see my blog post on in your invaluable press release service!
Thank you for all you do!
Cheers!
Phil Brown
ReplyDeleteHi Denny:
I enjoyed your blog on the Super Bowl ads. From my point of view, I see these placements really as image ads, with no serious intent to sell. Because clearly, they don’t. But what really amazes me is just how far down the rabbit hole some advertisers and their predatory agencies will go to get a laugh. We agree with each other about Homes.com. Eugene Levy’s son gets three different placements. After the first, I scratched my head, wondering, “What the hell was that about??" But $21 million dollars later, I finally discerned it was about real estate.
There is a humor prevailing these days which is really targeted to people in the 20-30 year-old category for their understanding, regardless of their propensity to want or need the product. I say they understand the ad, most likely because they can hear the muttering of the characters in the ad. Too often, the final punchline is spoken sotto voce. I have several times stood beside the TV monitor with the volume cranked out, just trying to figure out what they mouthed.
I would have commented to your blog online, but the mechanics are beyond me. I try to sign in via Google, and get nowhere. Is it me? The image below does not seem to give any leads. I tried to “Learn more” but came away uneducated.
All the best to you and Peggy.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
DH Reply to Phil Brown:
Phil, thank you for writing. Always a great pleasure to hear from you.
I seriously relate to your comment:
"I would have commented to your blog online, but the mechanics are beyond me. I try to sign in via Google, and get nowhere. Is it me? The image below does not seem to give any leads. I tried to “Learn more” but came away uneducated."
Candidly, the mechanics of this comment section are beyond me also. I find it a bitch. Complicated as hell. HERE'S A SOLUTION: IF YOU WANT TO COMMENT—GOOD OR BAD, HAPPY OR ANGRY—SEND ME AN E-MAIL (dennyhatch@yahoo.com) AND I'LL FIGURE HOW TO INSERT IT IN THIS SPACE. DO KEEP IN TOUCH! Thank you again!!! Cheers.
From: David L. Amkraut
ReplyDeleteDenny,
I agree with you 101 %. The ads were such absolute garbage one hardly knows where to start. Each was useless in its own way, many of them exceptionally annoying each in its own way, and I can’t see how any of them were likely to sell anything. Or even designed with the intent to sell anything. For example, your lead ad featuring obnoxious adults dissing annoying children offers no reason to hire the advertiser. Nor did I remember who the advertiser was, anyway. After a while I tuned out from watching ads, but whoever created the ads I did see seemed to be trying to show off how clever they were.
As another example, the annoying ad with Christopher Walken which finally reveals the product when it ends with the tagline “There’s only one Christopher Walken and only one [I forget which car].” Aside from annoying anyone who doesn’t like Christopher Walken in the first place, or puzzling anyone who doesn’t know or care who he is, how in the world does it give anyone a reason to consider a particular car? (I don’t even remember which car, sorry.) These ads remind me of what Ogilvy once said---- I think it was Ogilvy---- that he’d like to ban his ad agency from entering any ad for an award.
The Masters all agreed that the purpose of advertising is to sell, and that humor rarely works. Where are Claude Hopkins and his progeny when we need them?
I watched the Super Bowl with friends. They shook their heads just like I did. After some of the ads, I waited briefly, then asked them if they remembered the ad. Some did, at least vaguely and for a few minutes. Then I asked, “Who was the advertiser and what was being advertised?” Blank stares for the most part. Even if they remembered who the advertiser was or what they were selling, why would they care?
The only Super Bowl ad I remember after all these years of watching Super Bowls was the Apple ad featuring a woman running through a zombie-like audience to hurl a hammer through a screen featuring Big Brother. (?) Bill Gates (?). It worked on many levels and the viewer would remember the players: Apple portraying Microsoft as evil and Apple and its new MacKintosh as representing heroic resistance to totalitarianism. Almost everyone I know who saw the ad remembers it vividly and remembers who was attacking whom.
David
P.S. “ “The most dangerous words in aviation: ‘Watch this!’ “ “The most dangerous words in advertising: ‘ Watch this!’ “
David,
ReplyDeleteThank you, thank you for your long and fascinating comment. About your final kicker — the P.S.:
“The most dangerous words in aviation: ‘Watch this!’ “
I Googled it and up came this entry from Aviation Week magazine:
https://aviationweek.com/business-aviation/aviations-two-most-dangerous-words-watch
AW gave me the following 99 words:
"There is no shortage of bad ideas out there, but the ones that concern me are old sayings that have a history of being wrong yet are still embraced by some pilots. Let’s look at a few. A common denominator seems to be that certain pilots absolutely believe that their procedures are safe, until they. . .
SUBSCRIPTION REQUIRED
This content requires a subscription to one of the Aviation Week Intelligence Network (AWIN) bundles. Schedule a demo today to find out how you can access this content and similar content related to your area 7 of the global information industry....
The price tag, $129.00. Uh-uh. I Googled “The most dangerous words in advertising:
‘Watch this!’” What came up? Zero. Nada. Nuttin’. I did my best, folks. Sorry.
P.S. Is this fodder for a future blog post? Rude, copy that interrupts the reader and persuaded him/her/it to spend $100+...?
From: LKS
ReplyDeleteHi Denny,
Glad to see you're still being your prickly demanding self!
I'd offer that E-Trade didn't care about selling but wanted to entertain with a memorable 30-seconds in the middle of the Super Bowl so that the next time you see an E-Trade ad, you'll get an instinctive warm, fuzzy feeling.
Warmest regards,
Lydia Kidwell Sugarman
Hey Lydia,
DeleteGrand hearing from you.
Thank you for taking the time to write. I love it when readers disagree with me and tell me why.
It seems to me if I were an E-Trade customer or prospect, I’d be delighted to learn about safe new investment idea that could double my retirement rather than an easily forgotten message designed to give me an “instinctive warm, fuzzy feeling.”
Just a thought.
Do keep in touch.
Cheers!