Wednesday, February 24, 2021

#119 The Power of Fear

 

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2021/02/119-power-of-fear.html

#119 Blog Post - Wednesday, February 24, 2021

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

DIRECT MARKETING COPY AND  
THE AMAZING POWER OF FEAR

Part 1 of 2 

 

This is the story of two mailings.

 

The tiny guy at left — a wee 4” x 7-1/2”— contains a two-page letter of 775 words. As editor and publisher of the WHO’S MAILING WHAT! newsletter and archive of junk mail, I started collecting mail in 1982. I kept receiving this Wall Street Journal effort week-after-week-after week for 20 years.

 

I later discovered this plain-Jane peanut turned out to be the most successful single advertisement in the history of the world! No kidding.

 

The monster envelope behind it — a whopping 9-1/2” x 14” contains an eight-page letter of 2,640 words. I first received it this past February 2, 2021.

 

What do these two mailings have in common—this midget champion set in the financial world and this giant in the geriatrics health arena?

 

• Both have incredible longevity.

 

• Both are pinned to two primordial human emotions: Fear and Salvation.

 

• The little guy broke new ground; the big guy “stole smart”  from the little guy.

 

Two Basic Rules of Direct Marketing

Whether Mail, Print, Telephone or Digital

1)  The 7 Key Copy Drivers—the emotional hot buttons that make people act—are:

 

Fear – Greed – Guilt – Anger
Exclusivity – Salvation – Flattery

 

2)  “If your copy isn’t positively dripping with one or more of these, tear it up and start over.” —Bob Hacker, Seattle Direct Marketing guru

 

Let’s Get This Out of the Way Right Now—

You Are Invited to Download Three Mailings

     Mailing #1: The Wall Street Journal 25-year Grand Control

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2019/01/37-most-successful-advertisement-in.html

 

     Mailing #2: The Mayo Clinic Health Letter (2021) shown above

http://dennyhatch.co/files/Mayo-2021-Scans-PDF.pdf

 

     Mailing #3. The Mayo Clinic Precursor Grand Control (2001)

http://dennyhatch.co/files/Mayo-2001-Scans-PDF.pdf

 

What Triggered This Post

During the fifth week of 2021, the humongous Mayo Clinic envelope landed—folded in half—in the teeny mailbox of my hi-rise apartment building mail room.

     When I say “humongous,” I mean it. The envelope dominated everything in sight. In short, it is an incredible attention-getter. In 35 years of collecting junk mail, I cannot recall ever seeing anything this big.

 

Why I Went Ape Over This Mailing

Peggy and I started collecting and tracking junk mail in 1982. In 1984 we launched the WHO’S MAILING WHAT! newsletter and archive service. At the time (pre-Internet and pre-email) direct mail was the biggest, most pervasive advertising medium in the country. More money was spent on direct mail than TV, radio, space advertising, telemarketing, billboards and skywriting combined.  

     WHO’S MAILING WHAT! was in business for 33 years during which time 403,000 unique monthly mailings in 229 categories (consumer, business, non-profit and fundraising) went through the hands of the editors and were recorded.

     At the end of its run in 2017, the WHO’S MAILING WHAT! archive had tracked and scanned 1688 Grand Controls—mailings that had been received a minimum of three consecutive years, which means they were sure-fire winners and guaranteed big money makers for the company sending them out.

 

Is This Mayo Clinic Mailing Successful? YES!

Here’s how I am pretty sure of this. If you want to look into sending your mailing offer to Mayo Clinic Health Letter subscribers—some 596,000 names—you go to a list broker and get a data card that tells you who these folks are—demographics and psychographics.

     Subscriber Profiles
     Mature - age 60+
     College educated
     Above average incomes

 

I’m 85. We live on the 30th floor of a 45-story Philadelphia hi-rise. Our neighbor Josh one-floor down—a fellow geezer in his 80s—also received this mailing. Direct mail lists are Zip Code based. Tests work on an nth name selection. If your final confirming test is 50,000 names out of a universe of 1 million names, the nth factor is every 20 names.

    When two identical mailings arrive in the same building during the same week—addressed to two geezers one floor apart—this is no small test. It is a giant roll-out. It has obviously been tested and retested and is generating vast amounts of revenue for the Mayo Clinic Publishing department.

 

Why This Envelope Gets Opened

Note the giant black teaser copy on the envelope above—"hand-scrawled" with a broad stroke Sharpie pen:

 

“3 Surprising Daytime Habits That

Affect Your Sleep That Night”

 

I have sleep problems. So do 40% to 70% of all seniors. A sleep-deprived geezer’s  interest is immediately piqued. I opened the envelope for two basic reasons:

     • Can these folks help me sleep through the night?

     • For 40 years I have been a junk mail junkie. I love it!

 

Three Kinds of Advertising Copy

Advertising copy comes in the following 3 varieties:

     • "You" copy. These are benefit-oriented messages directly talking you, the reader (what this product or service will do for you). This is the copy approach in the all-important letter.

     • "It" copy. Describing and illustrating the many features of the product or service—all about it. This is brochure stuff—photos, graphs, charts and captions that show the features.

     • "Me" copy. This enables the customer or prospect to reply back to the advertiser. (“Yes, please send me…” and “I understand that this is guaranteed…”) This is for the reply device where the customer is talking back to the sender. —Walter Weintz

 

The Science and Art of Direct Mail

By Malcolm Decker

The direct mail package—especially a full-dress package—is a sales team.

 

• First the envelope knocks on the door to see if anyone’s home. 

 

• "The envelope serves two purposes only: (1) to get itself opened and (2) to keep the contents from spilling into the street. Once opened, the envelope is discarded and all the other elements come into play."    —Herschell Gordon Lewis 

 

• Then the major letter—the main salesman—takes over. Once the envelope is opened, the letter is the most important member of the team. It sells soft or it sells hard. It spins yarns or it spouts facts. It’s long (but never long-winded) or it’s pithy.  However it comes on, it’s loaded with customer benefits... Customer Benefits... CUSTOMER BENEFITS. This is the vehicle for the “you” copy.

 

• Then the demonstrator—the folder or brochure—goes to work. Like the letter, it can stand on its own as the “It Copy.”  But it’s most effective when it demonstrates in photographs, charts, graphs and drawings what the letter can only say in words. It should convince the reader in images that everything the letter says is true.

 

• The publisher’s letter (or lift letter) is yet another voice backing up the key salesman, the long letter; its job is to convince the waverer and salvage the skeptics

 

• The order device is the “me” copy that restates the offer in the pithiest, most unambiguous language possible. 

 

• The last element is the business reply envelope that brings the order home.

        

• Finally, it’s important to remember that in direct mail, the word is king. Copy is the architect of the sale.  Design and art are strongly supportive interior designers that often set up the sale.

 

• Because lookers are shoppers while readers are buyers, if you can firmly engage your prospects—and keep them engaged—through reading, you’re on your way to a sale.

—Malcolm Decker, Entrepreneur and Freelancer

 

Harry Walsh on How to Write a Letter

The tone of a good direct mail letter is as direct and personal as the writer’s skill can make it. Even though it may go to millions of people, it never orates to a crowd, but rather murmurs into a single ear. It’s a mesmerizing message from one letter writer to one letter reader.

    

Tell a story if possible.

Everybody loves a good story, be it about Peter Rabbit or King Lear. And the direct mail letter, with its unique person-to-person format—is the perfect vehicle for a story.  And stories get read. The letter I wrote to launch the Cousteau Society twenty-some years ago has survived hundreds of tests against it. When I last heard, it was still being mailed in some form or other.  The original of this direct mail Methuselah started out with this lead: “A friend once told me a curious story I would like to share with you...” —Harry Walsh, Freelancer

 

Why This Mayo Clinic Letter Is a Barnburner!

 

Here’s the lede:


Look again at the first two paragraphs.

     • They follow Harry Walsh’s advice to tell a story.

     • Here are short quick stories about John Glenn (age 77), Julia Child (age 87), Frank Lloyd Wright (age 91),  Ronald Reagan (age 73), Dr. William Mayo (age 70) and Robert Marchand who set a world record for bicycling at age 105)!

     • This captures the geezer-reader’s attention with the implied promise that this mailing can make life easier, healthier, more fun and more rewarding.

 

The Backstory of this Mayo Clinic Effort—

A Smart Steal from The Wall Street Journal!

In 1982 I attended a luncheon meeting of the Direct Mail Writer’s Guild at Rossoff’s upstairs room in New York. The speaker was Dorothy Kerr, Circulation Director, USNews & World Report. These are her exact words etched in my memory:

 

“The way to be successful in this business is see who’s mailing what. Keep track of what comes in the mail. Collect those mailings that keep coming in over and over again. These are the controls. These are the big money-makers. Save these mailings and then STEAL SMART!”

 

I went home that day and started collecting junk mail. Two years later Peggy and I started the WHO’S MAILING WHAT! newsletter and archive service.

 

Early on in publishing our cranky little newsletter every month—without fail— I kept seeing this nondescript little white envelope from The Wall Street Journal.

 


Here's the Skinny on This Dazzling

Wall Street Journal Masterpiece

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2019/01/37-most-successful-advertisement-in.html

 

This was the “Two Young Men” letter written by Martin Conroy. It was the unbeatable control for The Wall Street Journal—mailed steadily for roughly 30 years. It was a simple two-page letter (printed front and back) of 775 words. Over those 30 years, it generated roughly  $2 billion in circulation revenue for the Journal.

 

That’s $25.8 million a word!

 

Our cranky little niche newsletter and archive service had stumbled onto the most successful single advertisement in the history of the world!

 

As my great guru/mentor Axel Andersson said, “No publication or advertisement in history made this much money per word with the possible exception of the Bible. And that took 2,000 years!”

 

Compare  the Ledes of These Two Letters

(The similarities are hi-lighted in Red)

 

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

 



December, 2021

 

Mr. Denny Hatch

200 W. Washington Sq., Apt. 3007

Philadelphia, PA 19106-3564

 

Dear Mr. Hatch,

 

   Astronaut John Glenn returned to space at age 77. Julia Child had her tv debut at age 51 and wrote a cookbooks at age 87. Frank Lloyd Wright was still working at age 91. Ronald Reagan was elected to his second term at age 73. Dr. William Worrell Mayo founded Mayo Clinic at age 70.

 

   Recently, Robert Marchand set a new world record for the over-105 age group by bicycling over 14 miles in one hour!

 

   What makes the difference among such people? Why do some stay active and vibrant despite their biological age?

 

   Most people who live long, health lives are just regular folks who refuse to equate age with illness and

 

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

 

The Most Successful Advertisement in the History of the World

 



Dear Reader.

 

   On a beautiful late spring afternoon, twenty-five years ago, two young men graduated from the same college. They were very much alike, these two young men. Both had been better than average students, both were personable and both—as young college graduates are—were filled with ambitious dreams for the future.

 

   Recently, these men returned to their college for their 25th reunion.

 

   They were still very much alike. Both were happily married. Both had three children. And both, it turned out, had gone to work for the same Midwestern manufacturing company after graduation, and were still there.

 

   But there was a difference. One of the men was manager of a small department of that company. The other was its president.

 

What Made the Difference

 

   Have you ever wondered , as I have, what make this kind of difference in people’s lives? It isn’t that one person wants success and the other one doesn’t.

 

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

 

In Short…

The Mayo Clinic copywriter “stole smart” from the most successful advertisement in the history of the world.

 

     Bloody brilliant!

 

Why The Wall Street Journal Letter is 775 Words

vs.

 The May Clinic Health Letter Needs 2680 Words

Remember Mal Decker’s definition of the direct response letter:

 

     It sells soft or it sells hard. It spins yarns or it spouts facts.

     It’s long (but never long-winded) or it’s pithy.  However it

    comes on, it’s loaded with customer benefits... Customer

    Benefits... CUSTOMER BENEFITS.

 

WSJ

The Wall Street Journal letter is short and “pithy.” The readers are interested in money and success—either as private investors, money managers, corporate executives, gamblers, bankers or retirees. The WSJ message: two young men with virtually identical schooling and backgrounds ended up working for the same company. One was a department head, the other was president of the company.

     What made the difference? The CEO was a career-long reader of The Wall Street Journal; the other guy was not.

 

The Basic Copy Drivers: Fear and Salvation

Fear:  “If you don’t read The Wall Street Journal,” the copy implied, “your career will be stalled and life will be a perpetual struggle.”

 

Salvation:  Read WSJ. Get to the top of the heap. Make money. Retire in comfort. All of this for just $99 a year ($1.90 a week). You’re a damn fool to turn this down.

 

Mayo Clinic Health Letter: Fear and Salvation

You’re getting old. Friends, family and business colleagues are beginning to die like flies. Here’s a sampling of what can go wrong with your aging flesh case:

 

HEART DISEASE, “the #1 killer of folks over 50. ARTHRITIS—a life of pain. DEMENTIA. HEARTBURN. PAINFUL SEX. WRINKLES. SWOLLEN LEGS. CRONE’S and ULCERATIVE COLITIS. INDIGESTION. DIARRHEA. INFLAMMATORY BOWEL DISEASE. HEADACHES. KNEE PAIN. ERECTILE DISFUNCTION. BREAST CANCER. HIP REPLACEMENT. PANIC ATTACK. HEARING LOSS. YELLOW TEETH. NIGHTIME LEG CRAMPS. CONTACT DERMATITIS.  SLEEP APNIA.

 

The names of these gawdawful maladies are printed in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS! This should scare the hell out of every senior reader.

 

But…  each of these grim afflictions is surrounded by warm, comforting reassurances all will be O.K. A sampling from the letter:

 

• HIP REPLACEMENTS are now easier . . . the recovery is, too. Our coverage helps you understand whether you might be a good candidate for hip replacement.

 

• Spend fewer days in the hospital — and make a quicker return to normal activities after surgery — discover what strategies MAYO experts recommend to take BEFORE many types of operations.

 

• How to quickly tell a PANIC ATTACK from a heart attack.

 

• Practical steps you can take to keep your ears healthy, plus the best treatments to help you manage HEARING LOSS.

 

• The news in MAYO CLINIC HEALTH LETTER is accurate and reliable. It’s just what you’d expect from the clinic that’s not only one of the world’s most prestigious treatment centers, but a world-class research facility and a major medical school as well.

 

Get the idea? The FEAR ITEM in capital letters surrounded by soft, knowledgeable salvation from doctors at one of America’s most famous hospitals. This wealth of information is contained in a giant 8-page letter of 8-1/2” x 12” lined paper with 14-point old-shoe comfy Courier/typewriter type that’s easy peasy on old eyes.

 

Plus the Following Goodies Throughout the Letter

• No Risk!

 

• Take a Trial Issue.

 

• FREE REPORT: “Get Better Sleep Without Taking a Pill.”

 

• Send no money now. “Don’t send a dime.”

 

• If you like the trial issue and special report, spend  just $1.97 a copy. That’s “pennies a day.”

 

• If you decide not to continue, simply write "Cancel"  on the bill and mail it in the postage-paid reply envelope.

 

• You keep the free sample issue and FREE REPORT and owe nothing.

 

• GUARANTEE: If at any time —for any reason—you decide you’re not getting your money’s worth from Mayo Clinic Health Letter, you may cancel your subscription at any time and receive a prompt refund. No questions asked. We guarantee your satisfaction.

 

Takeaways to Consider

• First and foremost: Why use expensive, complicated, clunky and s-l-o-w direct mail rather than quick, down-‘n’-dirty, cheap, cheap, cheap email?

 

• The Mayo Clinic’s staff are consummate experts in direct mail marketing. They know what works for their newsletter.

 

• In 2001 an early version of this oversized mailing became a “Grand Control” (in the mail often for a least 3 consecutive years—and probably a lot more.)

 

• You are Invited to download the 20-year-old Mayo Clinic Grand Control for comparison purposes.

http://dennyhatch.co/files/Mayo-2001-Scans-PDF.pdf

 

• Remember the 9-1/2” x 14” envelope that dominated everything in sight? I DAMN WELL NOTICED IT. SO DID JOSH ON THE 29TH FLOOR.

 

• Here’s how it would have looked if it were email.

•Email is entirely mouse-type—surrounded by spam and crap. A mouse-click away from oblivion. No overpowering size. No big headlines. No knock-‘em-dead promises. Nothing stands out.

 

• You want precisely accountable advertising that is testable and guarantees precise results (and is secret)? Hire a direct mail consultant and test, test, test.

 

Part 2

Coming in Next Week’s Post: A Senior Copy Editor (me)

Analyzes the Nuts-‘n’-Bolts of These Mailings in Terms of:

 

• Offer

• Pricing

• Readability

• Production

• Copy in the 8-Page Letter

• Letter-writer’s Signature

• Lift Letter

• P.S.

• Guarantee

• Order Mechanism

• Involvement Device

• Testimonials from Happy Users

• How to Adapt Direct Mail to a Digital Pitch

 

###

Word Count: 2963


Wednesday, January 27, 2021

#118 Victory at Sea, Annemarie & CRM

 

#118 Blog Post – Wednesday, January 21, 2021

 

http://dennyhatch.blogspot.com/2021/01/118-victory-at-sea-annemarie-crm.html

Posted by Denny Hatch

 

VICTORY AT SEA!


Quick Personal Note: I took a two-week break from the blog during the Christmas-New Year holidays. Whereupon the news of the country and the world was far wilder and more compelling than anything I could ever produce. So I stayed dark until things calmed down. One thing we seriously missed this past year is travel. So I decided to celebrate a wonderful trip we took 12 years ago in the hands of a world-class direct marketer.



          Annemarie Victory: Wizardess of
         CRM: Customer Relationship Magic

One day in September, 2008 I cracked the New York Times Book Review. My eye landed on a quarter-page ad announcing a seven-day Mediterranean cruise from Barcelona, Spain, to Nice, France sponsored by The Annemarie Victory Organization (of whom I had never heard). It was scheduled to depart the following April.

The theme of the cruise: a celebration of the life and work of Patrick O'Brian (1914-2000), legendary author of 20 novels about the British Navy in the Napoleonic Era. (The Russell Crowe film, MASTER & COMMANDER: The Far Side of the world, was based on the O’Brian series.)   

 

For four years I had lived and breathed the adventures Lucky Jack Aubrey and his ship’s surgeon Steven Maturin. I not only owned the entire series, but also a ton of ancillary goodies—a cookbook, a biography of O’Brian, a dictionary of nautical terms, a world atlas of the journeys they had taken plus two CDs of music Aubrey and Maturin played on their fiddle and cello. Plus a signed, remarqued lithograph of Aubrey’s favorite ship, HMS Surprise, by Geoff Hunt, the artist famous for the Aubrey-Maturin book jackets that helped resurrect the series and helped turn it into a cult publishing phenom that made millions for O’Brian.

 

Way Out of Our League

Just for kicks I did a quick bit of research on the Internet. Included in the price was the hotel in Barcelona and welcome reception the first night, all meals aboard, all wine with dinner, all shore excursions. Not included: bar bills, laundry, telephone and tips The cost of this caper on Sea Cloud appealed to the very rich and out of sight for us. But I wandered downstairs to show the ad to Peggy, who knew I was an O'Brian nut. I assumed she'd look at it as an amusing curiosity.

     To my utter astonishment, Peggy said, “Why of course we have to go!”

     “Huh?”

     “Absolutely. No question. We’re going!”

     We wrote a check for the down payment in mid-September. Soon afterward, when sub-prime mortgage crisis hit and the market tanked, we thought seriously about canceling and losing the up-front money. We went ahead and booked the thing. This was a once-in-a-lifetime deal. Hell, if we had cancelled, the money we would have saved would have been lost in the tanking stock market.

 

Highlights of the Trip

• Two days in Barcelona prior to boarding the ship.

• A tour of Port Mahon, Minorca—the major British deep water port in the Mediterranean 150 miles southeast of Barcelona—where O’Brian’s two main characters first met and to which they periodically returned.

• Overnight at Port Vendres, port nearest O’Brian’s house in the adjoining town.

• A reception at the reclusive author’s modest house in Collioure in the South of France, which very few outsiders have ever seen.

 

Left: The O'Brians' tiny house. Although he hit the financial jackpot with his 20-volume series, he never upgraded. At right: the dingy basement office where he wrote his novels by hand on lined yellow pads. Note the plain plastic chair—the kind you see stacked up in front of Lowe’s or Home Depot.

 

• Overnights at Aix-en-Provence, Toulon (where the French fleet hid out from the British blockade) and Corsica (birthplace of Napoleon).

• Invited lecturers scheduled for the tour were Count Nikolai Tolstoy—O'Brian's stepson, who had published the first of a two-volume biography of the author—and Brian Lavery, author of 17 books on naval history and consultant to director Peter Weir during the pre-production and filming of Master and Commander. (Tolstoy—no relation to the War and Peace Tolstoy—needed a heart procedure and canceled our cruise.)

• The fillip was Sea Cloud, the 360-foot, four-masted square-rigger—that was the largest private yacht of its era. Built in 1931 by General Foods heiress Marjorie Merriweather Post and her dashing, skirt-chasing husband, E.F. Hutton (founder of the brokerage firm that bore his name). She carries a maximum of 64 passengers and a crew of 60. Mrs. Post—mother of actress Dina Merrill—is also remembered for building a little getaway palace in Palm Beach known the world over as Mar-a-Lago.

 

Joining the Tour

For the first night in Barcelona, we were booked into the ultramodern Arts Hotel, a glass and steel high-rise operated by Ritz-Carlton overlooking the harbor area. When we went into the lobby to register, the elegantly attired young man at the desk greeted us with, “Welcome to Barcelona and the Arts Hotel, Mr. and Mrs. Hatch.” How did he know our name? Presumably the luggage handler alerted this check-in guy.

     When the elevator door opened to our floor, a young woman awaited us. “Mr. and Mrs. Hatch, this way, please.”

     Our spacious room, with its expanse of glass and steel overlooking the harbor and Mediterranean, was out of a James Bond movie—Bang & Olufsen sound system and flat-screen TV, a series of switches that controlled the myriad lights, and the remote-controlled metal blinds that lowered to completely obliterate the outdoors.

 

That evening we attended the champagne welcome reception and dinner. As we entered the room and took a glass of champagne from a waiter’s tray, Annemarie Victory stepped forward and greeted us effusively by name. She immediately asked about my stepmother (who had done some PR work for the owners in return for free cruise years earlier). Victory is a tiny blonde. She wore a stunning yellow outfit and sported a million-dollar smile. From her website:

 

Austrian born, Victory began her career in the travel industry while in college, working as a tour guide to various European cities and at a resort in Lugano, Switzerland. Professionally trained as a translator in Zurich, her schooling also included studies in London and at the Sorbonne. She is fluent in French, German, Italian and English and conversant in Spanish.

     Whether it’s to Vienna for the famed New Year's Eve Ball, experiencing culinary creations by such legends as Alain Ducasse and Paul Bocuse, or cruising the Mediterranean aboard the legendary Sea Cloud, Victory has developed a special niche creating one-of-a-kind vacation experiences for the discriminating, upscale traveler. Inspired by a passion for travel, food and wine, she has spent her career touring the world, personally selecting those unique elements which become hallmarks of tours offered by the Annemarie Victory Organization.

 

 

 Patrick O'Brian and Annemarie Victory 

On Sea Cloud Cruise Several Years Prior.

                                

                                     Day One
We took a bus tour of Barcelona with a world-class guide, followed by late lunch at a five-star restaurant on a high hill with spectacular views overlooking the entire city. Mid-afternoon we boarded Sea Cloud and were taken to our comfortable little cabin—twin beds, desk, and bathroom. 

     What awaited us in the cabin? Ice in the ice bucket; bottled water; bottle of champagne; bowl of fresh fruit; all of our luggage; and a welcome brochure that introduced the crew, meal times and the departure schedule. One of the many goodies: “Chilled Champagne! See our barmen at any time to exchange the champagne bottle you will find in your room for a chilled bottle.

Our Cabin 

 

                       Rough First Night
We cruised the Mediterranean three times, and without fail the first night was heavy weather with rough seas. About half the passengers—ourselves included—didn't make it through dinner and retired to cabins early for the night. The affable German ship’s doctor had a pocket full of pills (presumably Dramamine) that he happily dispensed, and pretty much everyone was fine thereafter, especially since the seas calmed for the rest of the voyage.

 

       Days Two Through Eight—Sheer Heaven!
Over the next seven days, Peggy and I were on the receiving end of a crash course in Customer Relationship Magic. I discovered that Annemarie Victory is truly remarkable on three counts: She makes the rich feel coddled, makes us ordinary folk feel rich and she makes dullards believe they're the most scintillating companions on the tour.
    
    
What follows are some random memories of customer relationship magic.

Right: Simon Kwinta. Left: Tom Hook
 
Simon Kwinta, Hotel Manager
One standout in the superb crew was Simon Kwinta from Poland—outgoing, funny and absolutely on top of his game. When we pulled in to Port Vendres for the tour of Collioure and reception at Patrick O’Brian’s house, Simon was met by a team of purveyors and went shopping with them to produce a spectacular spread of dried sausage, fresh bread, fruit and hearty wines from the local vineyards.

                  Tom Hook: Cruise Director.
Whenever Annemarie hostrd a Sea Cloud charter, you were guaranteed that at her right hand will be the smooth, brilliant Renaissance man Tom Hook, out of Destin, Fla. Tom is multilingual, plays terrific cocktail piano, writes wonderfully literate narratives for the daily bulletin of events, delivers a fascinating slide show on the history of Sea Cloud, and is liaison with the crew.

                           Cuisine: OMG!


Every meal was simply outstanding, from the incredible breakfast and lunch buffets to the creative dinners that were so delicious you didn’t think about how healthy they were. Remember the Iron Chef America TV series, where top restaurateurs engage in a cook-off in state-of-the art kitchens, incorporating the episode's “secret ingredient” in every course?
     Aboard Sea Cloud, Chef de Cuisine, Maik Albrecht, from Germany, outdid himself with two such dinners. One of the secret ingredients: vinegar.

                Catering to Us Early Birds.
For those of us who were early risers that like to sit outside and watch the world go by, a table of fruit, hot coffee and pastries was set on the promenade deck by 6:30. In lousy weather, rain gear was always available.

                       A personal touch.
By the second day, the barmen knew our names and drink preferences.

                           Open bridge
During the day—except when entering or leaving port or hoisting the sails—passengers were welcome on the bridge to take pictures or watch the action.

                            Personal service
For older passengers and those who had trouble walking, special transportation was always arranged for shore excursions. When the bus pulled in to Aix-en-Provence, Peggy and I opted to see Cézanne’s studio and catch up with the walking tour later. The guide said that it was a long hike up the hill (it wasn’t) and ordered the bus driver to drop us off there.

                      Tours of the ship.
When built as a private yacht in 1931, Sea Cloud had 10 deluxe cabins, all of which have been restored, complete with antique furnishings and fine art on the walls. The high rollers who reserved these sumptuous digs were asked if they would be kind enough to let the ship put on an open house. A champagne tour was arranged. It was eye-popping.

 

The original cabins had antique furniture
and
the bathrooms featured gold fixtures.

Several of those passengers asked if they could see our little cabin, and Peggy gave them a tour of steerage (just kidding). Another tour was the engine room, so spotless you practically could eat off the floor. Off Corsica, the sea was very calm and the crew hoisted all the sails so we could go out on Zodiac boats and take photographs.

 

                   The Glories of Isolation
No TV, no radio, no Internet—a bit of an adjustment for a news junkie like me. Every night we found the next day’s schedule with an informative, literate backgrounder by Tom Hook. Every morning, the eight-page précis of top stories from The New York Times (including the crossword puzzle and answers to yesterday’s puzzle) were delivered to the cabins. BlackBerrys worked some of the time. International telephone and free e-mail were available.

       A Shout-out for Annemarie’s Other Half
I would be remiss not to mention the graciousness of Annemarie’s investment banker husband, the elegant and very engaging Michael Victory, who was every bit as attentive to the guests as were Annemarie, Tom Hook and the crew. Etched in memory is a picture of Michael elegantly attired in blue blazer and tie, drink in hand making the rounds in the Lido Deck. “Welcome,” he muttered sotto voce, “to another shitty day in paradise.”

Lido Deck, Sea Cloud                     

 

              Takeaways to Consider
• When a customer is made to feel extra special by people that run a business, it's a pleasure to spend money with them again and again.


• Every sphincter-tight bean counter, accountant and CFO who believes it’s smart to save money by cutting back on services and cheapening product should be required to take a tour with the Annemarie Victory Organization. I believe the investment would pay for itself many, many times over—for as long as these turkeys are in your employ.


• For example, we dined one evening with Annemarie who recounted the story of American Airlines going on strike two days before the scheduled departure for a week sailing the Caribbean aboard Sea Cloud. Without missing a beat, Annemarie chartered a jet and flew 40 stranded passengers to meet the ship at the appointed island at the appointed time. “You do what you have to do,” she said simply.
     Did she lose money on the deal?

     “You do what you have to do,” she repeated.

 

• One way a business can create magic is to make customers believe they're part of an extended family. Over the years, the Victory Organization has chartered the Sea Cloud for many cruises in the Mediterranean and Caribbean.

• While about 30 of us had read the entire O’Brian oeuvre—some multiple times—a number of others considered themselves family, both of Annemarie and Sea Cloud. When Annemarie announces a trip, they sign up. For example, we met several people who'd traveled on Annemarie’s annual Christmas in Salzburg and New Year’s Eve Ball in the Imperial Palace in Vienna. “It’s pricey,” confided one Annemarie aficionado, “but it’s worth it.”

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